Straight On 'Til Morning
by Willful Redhead
Summary: "The sun is gonna rise." He promised. "It always does."
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note_

_While I was waiting to see a new story from some of my favorite writers - who are busy or writing about someone beside the brothers of the Circle Bar Seven, I came up with this little story. I hope it entertains and is worth your attention - as always, I really do love a review!_

_***7***_

_1986_

_San Diego State University_

Ford McFadden waited patiently as Professor Edwards sat quietly, considering Ford's words. Ford had expected the professor to be disappointed. At the end of his freshman year, he had pulled Ford aside and insisted that Ford sign up for this class. Ford had been flattered and excited. It was a class reserved for upperclassmen, and he had greatly enjoyed Edwards lectures in Bio 101 his freshman year, but he hadn't know about the lab fees. Numbers never lied and although he'd worked hours trying to squeeze the extra money out of his budget, he couldn't. Dropping the class was his only solution.

"You work in the library, don't you?" Edwards asked.

"Yes, sir. Work study. It helps with books and cost of living, but I don't think I can manage the lab fees this semester. I didn't see that in the catalogue when I signed up, and I didn't calculate that into my budget." Ford explained calmly.

"What about asking for more hours?"

"I am already at the max, and I've been typing papers and resumes too, but things are stretched pretty tight. I hate to drop the class, but I just don't see any other options." Ford said shaking his head and leaning back in the chair that sat across from the biology professor's desk. "It's my own fault." He added quickly. "I didn't read the catalogue carefully. I missed the asterisk at the bottom of the page."

"What about your parents? Have you talked to your father?"

"No. I know we can't afford it. Last time I was home, we had a budget meeting and . . ."

"Budget meeting?" Professor Edward's raised his eyebrows questioningly. "You have budget meetings?"

"Well, yes. We have a cattle ranch, and when I turned eighteen I became a partner, so you know, I have to be informed."

Professor Edwards leaned back in his chair, and considered Ford thoughtfully. Ford waited, hoping that his professor wouldn't ask for more information.

"Don't drop the class Ford. I won't approve it. I'll talk to your father and see if we can't work something out. It is just two hundred dollars. I'm sure he can pay it over time or . . ."

"You don't need to call him. I . . ." Ford stood up quickly. "I don't want you to . . ."

"I'm sorry. I said something wrong." Edwards said rising and standing with his hands outstretched, palms toward Ford. "Forgive me. Look, I won't contact him. Just . . ." He ran a hand through his grey hair. "You are a gifted student, Ford. It would be a shame for you to drop the class. We'll figure something out. I'll speak with the Dean."

"I don't want anyone going to any trouble. I'm sorry for . . . my family is complicated and I'd rather not . . ." He sighed.

"Don't worry about it. I'll speak with the Dean and I'll see you in class tomorrow afternoon, alright?"

"Yes, sir." Ford said reluctantly. He sighed unhappily, but then remembering his manners said, "Thank you sir. I do appreciate it."

"See you tomorrow."

Ford stepped out of the office into the dim hallway. It was nearly six o'clock and he had a shift at the library in half an hour - no real time for dinner. He walked through the empty hallway furious with himself for not reading the catalogue more carefully. He had no doubt that Professor Edwards would still try and call his parents - which meant he would look up Ford's file - which meant he would no doubt look to him with pity in his eyes in class the next day. He'd been so careful and now his carefully crafted cover would be blown.

He hadn't been careful his freshman year - didn't stop to think how people would treat him after they heard. Soon he was known all over campus as the "poor little orphan kid". Even people he didn't know would whisper when he came into the common in his dorm. He wasn't even sure how it spread so quickly - his roommate? his roommate's girlfriend? The absolute worst had been parent's weekend in the spring. It was calving at the ranch and there was no way either Adam or Brian could be spared to come and visit him - besides San Diego was just too far. His roommate's parents had ambushed him.

"_Your family isn't here?" Paul's mother had said after meeting him._

"_Mom, leave him alone!" Paul had attempted to run interference._

"_Oh, Paul, stop it. He's probably lonesome for his folks. You live up north, don't you?"_

"_Yes. A small town. It's a cattle ranch and it's spring calving so my brothers couldn't come."_

"_Your brothers?" She asked with raised eyebrows._

"_My parent's died when I was small, so my older brothers raised me."_

_Her bright red mouth made a perfect "o" as her eyes grew wide with surprise. "Oh! You poor darling! Well! Paul you never said! You must come to dinner with us! Our treat! You poor, poor thing! This must be dreadful for you to see all these parents and have no one of your own to come and visit!"_

"_No, it is really alright. I . . ." But she didn't listen to anything he had to say, and he spent the entire weekend under the heavy weight of her pity._

He returned to school his sophomore year determined to avoid the mistakes of his past. He would keep his head down and not offer up any information. So far he'd been pretty successful, but now, Professor Edwards was probably going to ruin the whole thing.

***7***

"Are you alright? You sound tired." He could tell from her voice that Hannah sounded worried.

"I'm fine. I just had four classes today and worked in the library." He clutched the phone in his hand picturing the house and all his brothers.

"You are working too hard. I keep telling Adam that we could afford to send you more . . ."

"No, Hannah!" He cut her off. "It is a good time to expand the herd. We can't put things on hold just because . . . I'm fine. I only have two classes tomorrow. I'll take a nap. I promise."

"You promise?" She asked and he could picture her standing in the hallway with one hand on her hip, an eyebrow raised in suspicion.

"I promise. So did Guthrie go to the dance with Marley or not? He won't say."

"Oh! Guthrie! He drives me crazy! They are so on again/off again! I can't keep up. I mean, I love Marley - you know I do, but they are seventeen years old and he's going to school. He can't plan his life around her!"

"Seventeen is pretty young." Ford offered, grinning, not saying the obvious. _Adam was seventeen when he started raising a family_.

"Ford Michael! Don't start." She sighed. "Oh, you are nothing but trouble." There was a long silence on the phone, and he could picture her face, worried and loving. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too, Hannah." He said feeling a bubble of homesickness well up within him.

"You have time to talk to your brother or did I use it all up again?" She asked.

"I got a couple minutes."

"Alright, remember you promised me to get some rest tomorrow. You promised. I love you, Ford."

"Love you, Hannah. Don't worry." He could hear footsteps and rustling and then the familiar rumble of Adam's voice.

"What's up kid?"

"Nothing. Just checking in. How is everything going at the ranch?"

"That new tractor makes me wanna cry for thankfulness every day. It starts every single time I turn it on! Every time!"

"I can't imagine that. Daniel's gonna be in LA next week."

"He told me. He's gonna try and swing by and see you." Adam said. "You doing alright? Got enough to eat? Enough money?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm great." He said with forced cheerfulness. "You don't need to worry about me. We worked that whole budget out. It's working just like we said."

"You come home at Thanksgiving looking skinny and worn out and Hannah will have my hide, Ford, so if you need anything, you tell me, okay?"

"Yeah, sure. How is Hannah? What does the doctor say?" He asked quickly hoping to distract his brother.

"She's doing good. They are checking on her every four weeks. Don't worry about her. We'll manage it."

"She's had enough managing things. I sure hope . . ."

"Me too, kid." He heard Adam sigh, and wished he could see his brother's face to determine how worried he was. He bit the corner of his lip trying to imagine home.

"I guess I better go. My time's just about up. I'll call you next week. Tell Guthrie and everyone I said hello and am thinking of them."

"I will. Write us a letter when you get a chance, huh, Ford? We sure miss you."

"I will when I get a chance." Ford sighed. "Give Hannah a kiss from me."

"Yeah. I love you, Ford, and I'm really proud of you."

"I love you, too Adam."

He hung up the phone, and made his way back down the hall to his dorm room.

"Hey, man!" His roommate Ben looked up from where he was lying stretched out on his bed.

"Hey."

"Mike, Allen, Petey and I are all going out to the Bear. Wanna come?"

"Nah, I gotta get caught up on my reading. Thanks anyway."

"You never go out! Why don't you hit up your old man for some spending cash?"

"I'm way behind on my reading for psych. I can't go out."

"Sure. But if you change your mind, you can find us easy."

He watched as his roommate, Ben disappeared out the door. He felt a twinge of jealousy, but caught himself, trying to remember to be grateful for everything his family had sacrificed to make sure he could go to school. _Still a burger out with friends . . ._


	2. Chapter 2

_Circle Bar Seven_

_Murphys, California_

Adam hung up the phone and went back downstairs. Guthrie sat at the table bent over a book, and Brian sat at the desk in the corner cursing softly as he worked his way through the account books.

"Why the hell doesn't anyone enter receipts! And even when they do I can't read any of it! Is this a two or a seven?" He asked leaning toward Hannah who sat nearby sewing.

"It looks like a four to me. That's Evan's handwriting." She grinned at Brian. "You can ask him about it next Saturday. He's got a break for a week and is coming home."

"Ah, hell!" Brian threw the receipt down. "I'm going home! I'm already an hour later than I said I'd be. 'Night dear family!" He rose and crossing the room in quick strides, put his hat on his head, turning to go.

Hannah coughed softly and sighing, Brian doubled back, and bending low, kissed her cheek. "Good night, little sister. Sorry for cursing." He continued out the door, and down the porch steps ignoring his brothers' laughter.

"How'd ya do that, Hannah?" Guthrie asked. "It's like you tamed a bear."

"On no!" She laughed. "Caroline got that job! Poor girl!" She held up the shirt she was working on. "What do you think? Flashy enough for Evan?"

Guthrie studied it thoughtfully. "I dunno. You gonna add some fringe?"

She shook her head, waving a hand at him. "You're no help!"

"You asked." He teased. "Is there any pie left?"

"On the counter." She answered without looking up.

Guthrie rose, and crossed to the kitchen but hesitated in the doorway. "How about another glass of water?"

"Guthrie." She said patiently. "That would be the fifth one. I've got my limits."

"It's important to stay hydrated." He offered with a shrug. "That's what _you_ always say."

"Go away." She said with a wave of her hand. Laughing, Guthrie disappeared into the kitchen.

She glanced over to where Adam stood quietly watching the entire exchange.

"You are awfully quiet. Something bothering you?"

"No." He said. "Just seems quiet."

She nodded her head, continuing with her sewing, but then glanced at Adam again. Setting down the shirt, she rose slowly and crossed to where he stood.

"If I didn't know you better," She said gently, reaching up and wrapping an arm around him. "I'd say you were homesick."

"Maybe I am." He said with a sigh, resting his chin on the top of her head as she hugged him.

"I am, too." She said sadly. "I know they are supposed to grow up and leave, but I don't like it."

Which is exactly what she had said when they had taken Ford to college last year. The three of them had gone with Ford - Adam, Brian and Hannah; his parental triumvirate - that's what Crane called them. Anxious about leaving home, Adam knew that having three parents drop him off, only made him more nervous, but there was no way Brian or Hannah would stay behind. Truthfully, Crane and Daniel had wanted to come too, but someone had to manage the ranch.

It had been a year of changes, Crane and Elizabeth had married the summer before Ford's senior year, and their baby daughter had been born just two weeks before his graduation. Brian had married three weeks after graduation, and had moved out of the house too. Neither Crane or Brian were far - Elizabeth's family owned the ranch at the edge of the Circle Bar Seven, and they lived in cottage that was just across the south pasture. Brian had worked tirelessly to build a house just on the other side of the barn - and yet sometimes the family felt so scattered. Daniel toured ten months out of the year and Evan was gone just as much on the rodeo circuit. So dropping Ford off at college last year had been difficult.

The house felt empty.

It seemed funny that he would miss his brothers and be sad that they were grown and gone. He'd once thought long ago that these days would never come - it had seemed he'd been sentenced to an eternity of raising his father's sons. And then suddenly one day, he was driving down highway five, taking Ford to college.

They'd carried his belongings into his dorm room, walked around campus with him, gone over his budget, gone over his schedule, but none of them had wanted to leave.

"I don't have any toothpaste." Ford said suddenly.

"Let's go get some!" Hannah had said cheerfully. The two of them had gone downstairs to the student union, while Adam and Brian sat listlessly in Ford's dorm room. His roommate wasn't due to arrive until the next day.

"It's kind of late to head back now." Brian said, leaning against the doorway. "I got some money tucked away. We could get a hotel room, and stick around and leave in the morning."

"We could." Adam agreed. "Hannah doesn't like driving on the road at night." Which was a flat-out lie. Adam was the one who hated driving at night, but Brian said nothing.

"We could take the kid out to breakfast."

And they had. They had stayed in his dorm room late into the evening, until they finally decided to just camp out in his room. Ford let Hannah have his bed, and the three of them sprawled out on the floor. Listening to his brothers' gentle snoring reminded Adam of all the camp-out's he had with his brothers when they were small.

In the morning they'd taken him to breakfast, and then stood awkwardly in the parking lot - still not wanting to leave, but having no reason to stay.

"I guess, you guys are gonna head back now." Ford said looking down at his feet.

"We should." Adam said.

"No." Hannah said, surprising him.

"No?" He turned to her.

"We gotta do one thing first." She grinned at him, revealing her dimples.

"I know that look." Brian said, shaking his head and smiling at Ford who agreed with nod. "It's a lost cause, brother. Just do whatever she asks."

Which is how the McFadden brothers found themselves standing beside the ocean on a warm Sunday in September. Both Hannah and Ford immediately took off their shoes, wading in the water, but Brian and Adam stood further back, watching.

They stood shoulder to shoulder as a wave rose up toward Ford and Hannah who both laughed and ran up the beach. Adam smiled at the sound of Hannah's laughter; it had seemed ages since he heard it.

"That was your best idea, ever." Brian said to him.

"The beach?" Adam asked turning to Brian. "That was Hannah's idea."

"Not this - although this is a pretty good idea." Brian answered, but nodding his head toward Hannah explained, "Her. The best thing you ever did."

Adam nodded his head in agreement as he turned to watch her. She draped an arm over Ford's shoulder, as the two of them stood staring out into the vast expanse of blue.

"Yeah." Adam agreed softly, and then Hannah had turned toward the two of them, a smile on her face.

"What's the hold up, Cowboy?" She called out. "Take off your damn boots and get down here!"

The memory of standing in the golden sunshine of Southern California, his toes in the cool sand, his arm around his wife, his brothers beside him, stayed with him all through that long and difficult first year that Ford was away at school. He clung to the memory of it, as they watched Evan take a terrible spill at a rodeo in Fresno. It kept him warm as he held tightly to the phone trying to contact Daniel after they'd heard his tour bus had been in an accident, and he reminded her of it, as he sat beside her hospital bed, whispering reassurances after she'd miscarried their child just after Ford had gone back for his second semester of college.

He'd taken Ford back to school for his Sophomore year without her. This miscarriage had been hard on her - hard because it was their third, and because Caroline was due at the end of May, and Elizabeth and Crane had just announced they were expecting a second child. She had become quiet, thoughtful, slow to laugh and slow to smile. When he'd mentioned heading back to San Diego she had shook her head violently, her face suddenly pale.

"I can't manage any goodbyes just now." Her voice a tight whisper and he felt as if he'd been struck.

He had brought Guthrie along - so he could tour the campus. They were stopping at UCLA on the way back - the school had already sent letters to Guthrie - offering him scholarships. His SAT's had caused many schools to send letters already.

They'd followed the same tradition as the previous year - staying the night, going to breakfast and returning to the same sunny stretch of beach. It hadn't felt the same without her there, and perhaps he hadn't hid his melancholy mood because Ford had turned to him and said, "I'll be back home for Thanksgiving before you know it, Adam."

He'd laughed and reaching out squeezed his younger brother's shoulder.

"I know."

He smiled as he looked at Ford. He no longer looked down to see Ford's eyes, but rather up. He'd surprised them all and had passed up his older brothers - a lanky, six foot four and a half feet tall. Adam glanced at Guthrie who stood on the other side of him. At least Guthrie had stayed smaller. He put his other arm around Guthrie's shoulder, a strange bittersweetness washed over him as he recognized again that if his parents had lived he wouldn't have known either of his youngest brothers very well.

***7***

"You two aren't gonna start kissing, are you?" Guthrie's voice brought him back to the present.

"What's it to you if we do?" Adam said crossly, as Hannah stepped away from his embrace.

"Nothing, I guess." He shrugged.

"Kissing make you uncomfortable?" Adam teased.

"Well, of course it does, Adam." Hannah said with a grin. "He's _never _kissed a girl, right Guth?"

"Oh, course not, Hannah. I'm not kissing any girl until we're married." Guthrie said in mock seriousness.

"Good boy." Hannah said smiling at him as she sat back down to work on the shirt, she'd been sewing.

"Hannah!" Guthrie groaned.

"Oh, right. Sorry, Guth. Good _man_." She winked at him, but he just shook her head.

"You are a lost cause!" He rose. "That reminds me, I need to go call Marley."

"It's nearly 9:30. Guthrie that is too late! You can talk to her at school tomorrow."

"You know, sometimes I think you are just plain jealous, Hannah." Guthrie said leaning back in his chair.

"You've got three colleges offering you a full scholarship, Guthrie James! You can't get distracted!"

"9:30?" Guthrie said suddenly. "Adam, isn't that late for her?" He grinned wickedly, as Adam turned toward Hannah.

"You promised!" Adam reminded her. "9:45 at the latest!"

"I'm going!" She said folding up the shirt she'd been working on. "I'm not a ba-" But she stopped herself, and biting her lip to cover it, she continued quickly. "You get to bed, too Guthrie. You got that math test tomorrow."

They watched her head upstairs, silence heavy in the nearly empty room.

"I'm sorry, Adam. I didn't mean to. . ." Guthrie said after she'd gone.

"Don't worry about it, Guth." He sighed. "She's just . . ." His voice trailed off, unable to complete the thought.

"Do think God hears us when we pray?" Guthrie asked his older brother. "Because I've prayed a lot. I mean it, Adam. A lot."

Adam turned his face away, swallowing twice before answering. "Me, too."

"I only ever pray for one thing." Guthrie said softly.

Adam had no answer for this, and said nothing, but crossed to where Guthrie sat at the long table and bending low, kissed his brother's forehead before quickly striding away toward the stairs. He paused at the bottom step, and said, "Don't stay up too late, Guth. Make sure the back door is locked."

Guthrie nodded, and then added softly, "'Night, Dad."


	3. Chapter 3

_San Diego_

Unlike the students to his left and right, Ford waited until Professor Edwards had completely ended his lecture to close his notebook, and begin gathering his things. He looked up from where he'd been taking careful notes, as the professor made his last remarks.

"Alright, so I expect to see you in the lab in the morning, and remember to bring your safety goggles. If you want any of the hand-outs they are here on the podium. Class dismissed." Professor Edwards said from the front of the large lecture hall. "Oh, and Mr. McFadden, I need to see you before you go."

Ford blushed crimson as everyone sitting around him stared at him.

"What did you do man? We haven't had a quiz or anything yet, so you couldn't have cheated." The boy next to him said.

"I lied about my age. I'm really only twelve." Ford said with a nervous laugh.

"Nice."

He made his way down the stairs to the bottom of the lecture hall where Professor Edwards waited. People were milling about taking the hand-out, and asking quick questions. Ford waited, more than happy to put off the inevitable.

"See, Professor, there's just no way I'll make it to that lab on time. 7:30 a.m.? Really? I didn't think there were any classes held before 8. Isn't there a law or something?" A thin girl whined.

"The lab starts at 7:30. You will either be there or you won't, but if you aren't you will dropped from the class." Professor Edwards said without looking up from where he worked putting papers into his briefcase.

"But . . . I don't think . . ." She continued in a high pitch whine.

"Enough, Miss Clark." Edwards cut her off sharply. "Mr. McFadden, you mind helping me carry that box back to my office?" He continued indicating the box of papers by his left.

"Yes sir." Ford said and with a resigned sigh, he picked up the box and followed Professor Edwards out of the lecture hall.

"Do you have another class now?"

"No, sir. I'm finished for today." Ford answered, realizing that if had lied he could've put off meeting with Professor Edwards. _Stupid Adam and his stupid teaching me morals_. He thought bitterly.

"Good. I wanted to talk with you for a minute, if you didn't mind."

"Yes, sir."

He followed Professor Edwards across the quad and down the hall to his office. Professor Edwards set his briefcase down, and reached for the box in Ford's arms.

"Thank you for carrying that." He said turning and setting the box on a shelf behind him. He turned on a small burner, setting a teapot on top of it. "Would you like some tea?"

"No, thank you, sir."

"Well, sit down." Edwards said indicating the chair with a sweep of his hand. He studied Ford thoughtfully. "You weren't completely honest with me the other day."

"I didn't lie." Ford said flatly. "You asked if I had spoken with my father, and I said I hadn't. I didn't lie."

"No, I don't suppose you did, but you left out some fairly relevant information. It surprised me. You seem to be a rather straight-forward young man, but when I got out your file to contact your parents, I discovered that your parents are deceased."

"Yeah." Ford sighed.

"Is there a reason you didn't want me to know that?" Professor Edwards asked.

"No. I mean not really. It's just . . .I've found when people learn that about me, it changes how they see me. I was five years old, for pity's sake. I grew up fine. I actually had a really good childhood, and I don't know, pity is kind of difficult to deal with."

Professor Edwards rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Well, I can see that. You are right I suppose, it did change how I view you, I guess, but I don't pity you, Ford. I was impressed with you before - your work ethic, your level of integrity and respect - it seems all the more impressive now."

"You should meet my brother Adam." Ford said shaking his head. "You'd understand it better. Adam doesn't tolerate laziness or disrespect."

"I saw his name listed there as next of kin - how much older is he than you?"

"Just about thirteen years."

"So, if you were five he was . . ."

"Seventeen - well, almost eighteen. His birthday was twenty-seven days after." Ford said simply. A look flashed across Professor Edwards face and Ford shook his head. "See, this never goes well - I can see it - you've got pity for me; for us. It wasn't like that. It wasn't some big after-school special with swelling music. Adam's just a man like anybody else. He did the best he could, but he wasn't a saint and he wasn't perfect. Hell, he didn't even raise us by himself. My brother Brian was there too."

"And how old was he?" Edwards leaned forward in his chair with eyebrows raised.

"Yeah." Ford said with a laugh. "I see your point. He was sixteen." Ford sat back in his chair, deciding to just relax and let his defenses go. "I didn't intentionally keep the information from you - well that's not true - I did. And it wasn't very kind, or respectful to let you think one thing, knowing you would look it up and find out something else was true. But you gotta believe me, when I tell you, I wasn't doing it to make you feel bad or anything."

"I didn't think you were."

The unasked question lay heavy between them.

"I come from a really small town. Everyone knew us - knew them - my parents, and the town, together decided that they would do whatever was necessary so we could stay together. And I never once had to explain to anyone. I mean everyone just knew already. But then last year, I came here, and I had to explain it over and over and over - and as soon as I did - it got weird. So this year, I thought, I'll just keep quiet and leave it alone."

"I can understand that. It makes sense." Professor Edwards agreed. "Except when holding back information means you will drop a class and fall a year behind."

"My parents being dead doesn't change the fact that we can't afford those lab fees." Ford countered.

"No, but it is a useful piece of information when I'm trying to strong arm the Dean into waiving those fees."

"No." Ford said standing up. "No. My brother would kill me! We don't take charity. We pay our way."

"I'm glad because it isn't charity." He smiled at Ford. "You just signed up to be my lab assistant."

Later, as Ford crossed the campus in the early afternoon sunshine, he found himself smiling. Deep down, he had dreaded having to drop the class, and he was relieved that he would be able to stay on track so that he could graduate in four years. He didn't want his family to have to worry about his tuition for one second longer than was necessary. When he got back to the dorm, a bunch of kids were heading down to the beach to goof around and surf.

"You coming?" His suite mate, Mike asked.

"He never comes along." Ben said bitterly. "Gonna study, Ford?"

"Nope." Ford grinned, and dropping his heavy books, he followed everyone out into the warm sunshine, leaving his stunned roommate behind, and walking out into the gloriously bright San Diego sunshine.


	4. Chapter 4

_Circle Bar Seven_

_Murphys, California_

Thanksgiving was unbelievably good. Everyone was home. The house was bursting with all the brothers home again; seven brothers, three wives, and one niece. Adam was gloriously happy. Everytime he walked into a room it was filled with talking, singing, and occasional arguing. He was leaning against the doorjamb now listening to Crane and Brian go at it.

"I'm just saying, I think if we put in a few vines - just to see. I think we could turn a good profit without tremendous overhead." Crane said.

"Are you crazy? What the hell do we know about vineyards? Listen, things are going great! We just expanded the herd! We don't need to add on some other nonsense!" Brian was clearly frustrated.

"Diversification is smart, Brian. It gives us other alternatives in case things change. What if the herd gets sick? What if we lose some to a bad storm? It gives us another source of income." Crane said becoming equally heated.

"Just 'cause you went to college doesn't mean you are the only smart man in this house!" Brian's temper was getting the better of him. "You think you know everything! I worked this ranch while you were still inside reading books and clinging to Mama's skirts, Crane." He glanced over and saw Adam watching them, a grin on his face.

"What are you smiling about?" Brian asked.

"You think us fighting is funny?" Crane asked, surprised by Adam's attitude.

"I'm glad we are all home." Adam said with a chuckle. "You two fighting feels right somehow." Adam said, shrugging his shoulders.

"You are so weird." Brian said shaking his head and turning to Crane. "You believe him?"

"He's got issues that's for sure." Crane agreed.

Looking down the length of the table and seeing every seat filled Thanksgiving night, about nearly made Adam cry for joy. He stood, the carving knife in his hand and paused before slicing into the turkey that Hannah had cooked to perfection. He smiled at her at the end of the table, and knew she could see the tears of happiness that he kept hidden from everyone else. She winked at him, her own eyes bright with happiness.

"Oh, for pity's sake Adam, carve the damn bird!" Daniel groaned. "I've been smelling that all day! You can't know how much I've missed Hannah's cooking!"

"Alright, keep your shirt on, Danny. I thought a moment of reflection and thankfulness appropriate. It _is _Thanksgiving."

"Sorry, Dad!" Daniel huffed, and the brothers laughed.

"You watch it. I don't care if you are an up and coming star - I'll kick your backside if you don't mind your manners." But he grinned at Daniel, who shook a fist at him in mock anger.

"Cut the turkey!" Guthrie groaned. "People are starving, Adam!"

"Alright, alright."

It was a perfect week. They sat up late telling stories, talking, and eating everything that Hannah, Brian, Caroline and Guthrie cooked. They called themselves the Four Chefs and joked about buying out Marie's and starting up their own restaurant. Crane and Elizabeth's daughter, Ivy was held for five days straight - passed from one doting uncle to the next.

Adam had so much to be thankful for this year. Ford seemed to be managing his second year of college well, Guthrie had already decided on UCLA and had been accepted on early admissions, both Daniel and Evan seemed to have landed on their feet, and they all seemed to be adjusting to the new order of things. The ranch was doing really well, and he generally found himself in a fairly good mood. Of course, he recognized that none of that had anything do with his general state of happiness.

It was the twenty-seventh of November.

In four days, Hannah would be five months pregnant. In four days, they would pass a milestone. She had never, not once, carried a baby this long. He was starting to hope. He had become jaded in the past four years - fear was the emotion he felt strongest when she was pregnant - fear that her heart would break - fear that this time she would be unable to recover. But now, he began to feel some of the joy he had once felt explode in his heart so many years ago when they'd been married just a few months, and she had unexpectedly said, _"That's because I'm pregnant!" _ For the first time, in so long, he was actually beginning to imagine a tiny baby all their own - as beautiful and strong as her mother. But best of all was imagining Hannah her arms full at long, long last.

He should have known better.

It was a week after they'd taken Ford back to school, two days after they'd waved goodbye to Daniel that he'd come in from the barn to find her lying motionless in the garden, her skin ghostly white, her lips nearly blue with cold. She'd been home alone - Evan had gone into to town, and Guthrie had been at school. He and Brian had been out, and Caroline had been at work. She had been all alone - just like before.


	5. Chapter 5

_San Diego, California_

Walking back from his last class of the day Ford was shocked to see his brother Daniel waiting for him just outside the hall that housed his dorm. One thing he had learned, surprise visits from family generally meant bad news.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his heart already beginning to pound in fear. "You're supposed to be in Dallas."

"You keep track of my schedule?" Daniel asked, surprised.

"Yeah." He shifted his books from one hand to the other, as he studied Daniel's sad, puppy-dog eyes. He sighed feeling an aching pain well up inside him.

"It`s Hannah." The words escaped his lips and he felt his whole body sag in a helpless despair.

"We don't know anything yet." Daniel offered, trying to sound hopeful.

"We don't?" Ford shook his head furiously. "What the hell, Daniel? You've been sleeping through the last four goddamn years? It is the same thing every damn time!"

He stormed several steps away from his brother, turning away and ignoring the stares of people who passed by them to go inside the dorm. He heard Daniel sigh and take two tentative steps toward him.

"Ford," He said softly, and then reaching out, he put a hand on Ford's shoulder, squeezing gently. "We don't know anything yet. Adam found her, and took her to county. We haven't heard anything."

"Then why'd you come all the way here?" Ford asked turning and facing his older brother.

"Because it's Tuesday, and you always call home on Tuesday and if you asked to talk to Hannah - which you would . . ." Daniel sighed. "I thought it would be better this way, and besides, what's the good of being a famous rock star - if you can't fly wherever you want?" He gave a half-hearted chuckle and Ford sighed.

"Well, this sucks." Ford said.

"Yeah." Daniel agreed.

"Guthrie will be a basket case. Is Crane with him?"

"No, Brian is and Caroline. Crane went to the hospital to wait with Adam."

"That's good, I guess, but Guth is gonna really be . . .I should go home." Ford said quietly, running a hand through his blond hair. "This sucks!"

"No, you should stay here and wait to see what happens." Daniel said gently. "You gonna go home and stand around and pace? We got enough of that already."

"But I should be there. She's gonna be . . ." He turned away from Daniel finding tears spilling over at the thought of Hannah broken and sad, _again._

"I told you the truth, Ford. Adam found her passed out, but the docs are with her and we haven't heard anything yet. You should stay here and wait, okay, man?"

"This sucks!" Ford shouted at the unforgiving sky and several people turned to stare.

"Calm down, man. It won't do her any good."

"I mean it really, really sucks, Danny." Ford repeated quietly and moved and sat down on a nearby bench. "She was just starting to get excited, and she hasn't been that happy in so long."

"Yeah." Daniel agreed settling beside Ford on the bench.

"I mean it sucks."

"Adam would be irritated with your lack of vocabulary." He looked up at Ford sadly, thinking of his older brother's obsession with grammar. "You're becoming repetitive."

"I'm just holding back every curse word I've ever heard." Ford confessed.

Daniel chuckled, "Well, shit, Ford, why they hell would I give a damn about your language? It seems to me that cursing was made for days like today."

"Yeah, but Hannah doesn't like cursing."

Daniel met Ford's bright blue eyes, and found himself overcome with sorrow thinking not just of his sweet sister-in-law and her pain, but of how much all of this would hurt his brothers. He rubbed his face wearily.

"This sucks." Daniel agreed.

They sat together on the bench staring at the ground, shoulders touching, but not saying a word. Daniel was caught up in an old memory of the family around a campfire on a cold night of roundup. He'd been upset that year and she'd been so sweet. All his brothers had come to love her and consider her family - Guthrie almost the first second he saw her - and although he already loved her dearly before that roundup, it was on that horrible trip that he'd truly accepted her into his heart. He remembered that night, he'd played a song and poured his heart out - he remembered it now - the sting of Adam's rejection. Adam had been dead set against his career in music. He understood it better now; recognized that Adam's worry wasn't over Daniel's ability but the dark world outside Circle Bar Seven. He hadn't understood it then and the anguish he'd felt - thinking Adam didn't believe in him. And when he was at his lowest, ready to weep and cry, she'd comforted him. Hannah, saying nothing, had crossed the fire pit, and squeezed his shoulder, and bending low, kissed his forehead. He'd been so angry before, and suddenly found himself fighting tears, grateful beyond any words that someone understood; that someone loved him. Her kiss had been like a benediction and filled him with memories of his mother bowing low to kiss him goodnight.

He felt sick thinking of her being robbed _again_ of the chance to be a mother. It wasn't right. If anyone on earth deserved a chance to have a child of their own it was Adam and Hannah McFadden. He glanced over at Ford who looked equally miserable, recognizing that this line of thinking was just going to make things worse. Sighing deeply, he stood abruptly, stepping in front of Ford.

"Come on, little brother. I'll buy you dinner. You can be just as miserable with a stomach full of good food. You look skinny as hell." He reached out and pulled Ford to his feet. "I got a 2 a.m. flight and we can hang out 'til then."

***7***

_County Hospital_

Crane hung up the pay phone and headed back down the hall to where Adam sat slumped in the waiting room.

"What'd they say?" Adam asked looking up at him.

"Daniel talked to Ford, and convinced him to stay until we know something at least - wait 'til the weekend to come home - _if_ he comes home." Crane sighed and sat next to Adam. "And Guthrie - well, Brian's got him so don't worry about it. Nothing we can do anyway. He's upset. Of course, he's upset."

"Yeah." Adam rose and paced across the small room to a window. A fog had settled in making the outside world dark and ominous. "I just wish they'd come out and tell us something. It's been hours!"

"They are focused on her - not us." Crane offered. "You want some coffee? Are you hungry?"

Adam turned and stared at him and Crane felt foolish for even suggesting it, but he didn't really know what else to do. "I'm sorry, Adam, I just . . ."

"No, don't worry about it." Adam sighed pacing again. "Why haven't they said anything?"

"I'll go see if I can find a nurse or someone who knows something." Crane offered, running a hand through his hair.

"No, they have . . ." He turned toward his younger brother, tightly gripping his arm. "I did okay, didn't I, Crane? I tried really hard to do right by the boys. You don`t think I am being punished for messing things up? It isn't her fault!"

"Calm down, Adam. Just stop thinking so much!" Crane managed to gasp out, stunned to see Adam so vulnerable. "You did great and this isn't punishment."

"Then what is it?"

Crane struggled trying to think of something, anything to say to Adam, but he was distracted by a thousand memories of his cheerful sister-in-law. He couldn't think of anything to explain this seemingly unending pain that had been slowly chipping away at her joyful spirit. He struggled against the guilt he felt for the tiny girl that slept at home in her crib and the other child who slept safely inside his wife. He had never met anyone more maternal than Hannah McFadden, and yet in the cruelest twist she had no children - except those she had inherited when she'd married his brother.

"This is just unfair, Adam. Nothing else to call it. It is just unfair."

"Goddamn right! " Adam burst out. "Unfair! She's the sweetest . . ." But he didn't finish the sentence as they both looked up to see a doctor striding quickly toward them.


	6. Chapter 6

_County Hospital_

Hannah McFadden opened her eyes and immediately recognized the harsh glare of the fluorescent light. Turning her gaze straight ahead, she could see out to a nurse's station. Her eyes were already blurred by tears as she tilted her head to the right seeing the familiar thick dark brown hair, where Adam sat beside the hospital bed, head down - no doubt catching a quick nap. He'd become an expert at sleeping beside a hospital bed.

They'd been here before.

She kept her tears silent unwilling to wake him. The reality of their shared losses always seemed that much more devastating when she gazed in his loving eyes. Every emotion would be etched on his face; grief, love, longing, despair. She brought him joy _and_ pain, and she was sick of it. An anger burned in her veins causing her stomach to twist and turn. The idea of parenting had once filled her with joy and hope, but now it filled her with rage. She was done; done with hope. Guilt washed over as her eyes traced the familiar line of his shoulders. She couldn't bear the pain she brought him; couldn't manage it. There were so many things he deserved and she was useless. _He would've been better off to have never met me, _she thought darkly. She hated being unable to do anything about the situation - that she couldn't fix it for him. It was clear he'd never be a parent - not with her.

The only solution became painfully obvious.

If it was necessary to protect his wounded heart, she would be done with him. She'd find some way to tear her heart from his - he could find a new love, a new life and be a father at last. It was unfair to expect him to be an orphan _and_ childless. He deserved more. She set her jaw in an angry line and reaching up wiped the last tears from her face; turning her heart to stone.

The movement of her hand woke him, and his warm, loving gaze chipped at her resolve as she recognized that this would be the most difficult challenge of her life.

"Sweetheart," He said sweeping a hand over his face and lifting her fingers to his lips, giving them a tender kiss.

"Adam," She found it difficult to even say his name.

"Honey, it's okay." He rose up out of his chair and sat on the edge of the bed leaning in close to her.

The smell of him so near - of leather and soap, of cows and dirt - shattered her broken heart but she was determined. She loved him too deeply to keep him from having everything. Her stomach twisted into a million knots.

"Don't." She said, pushing him back. "Don't." She turned her face from his, avoiding his warm gaze.

"Hannah, no you . . ."

"Stop it!" Her voice was angry now. "We've said these things too many times already. Don't."

"Honey, you don't . . ."

"No." She cut him off, pushing away the hands that reached for her. "Sometimes you just gotta cut your losses."

He sat back from her then and his complete silence caused her to turn and look at him. His gaze was deeply pained. He studied her in silence for a long moment and then asked quietly, "Girl, what are you thinking?"

She drew in a breath, her body so tense that it felt as if her heart were hammering against her ribs. _Well, now is as good a time as any, she thought, darkly._

"We can't keep on this way." She said flatly.

"We can't?" She was startled at the slight teasing to his tone.

"I'm serious."

"I can see that." He said but she could see the hint of a smile on his face.

"Adam!" Her frustration intensifiedher anger and determination. "You should have more. And it is pretty clear that isn't gonna happen with me so . . ."

"Hannah Joy," He crossed his arms over his chest and let out a long sigh. "What do you suggest we do then?"

She stammered, unnerved by the seeming ease. She wrinkled her brows shocked by his calm, almost cheerful reaction. She had expected argument and tears. _Fine! _Shethoughtbitterly_. Fine! I'll call his bluff._

"You should . . ." She hesitated finding it much more difficult to say out loud. "You should call it quits," She rushed to finish the ridiculously unthinkable sentence. "You could marry another girl - someone who could give you children."

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "Do you have someone in mind?"

"Adam!"

"Hannah."

"I'm not kidding. I mean it." She said, completely exasperated.

"I understand that." He crossed his arms over his chest. "So, who do you have in mind?"

"I didn't . . ."

"Well, it's clear you've spent time thinking about this. I just figured you had someone picked out. It would speed things up." He rose and paced. "Let's see, a divorce would take six months, you think? _I've _never researched it. Course I'd have to give you time to pack up your things and find a place but I'm telling you right now, darlin', you aren't taking my jean jacket. I'll fight you for it."

He turned back to stand beside her bed, not bothering to hide his grin.

"Adam, you are being such a jerk!"

He laughed out loud, and leaning close, put a gentle hand on her face, turning her face to his.

"Well, sweetheart, that's because you are being ridiculous."

She turned from his compassionate gaze, tears blurring her vision. "I can't do this any more. I can't do this to you. It isn't fair. You deserve . . .I just . . . I love you, Adam."

"So you are asking me to divorce you?" He raised an eyebrow at her, but she just shook her head. "You all finished? Got it all out of your system?" She opened her mouth to protest but he leaned in kissing her. He brushed her tears away and continued softly, "I love you, Hannah Joy with all my heart; now and always; forever."

"But I can't . . ." Her eyes welled with tears and she found herself lost in hopelessness and anguish. _He would never let her go. Never._

"I love you." He repeated, sitting beside her and lifting her hand to his lips and kissing her fingers. "Nothing would make me leave." He met her eyes with a steady and piercing gaze. "Nothing." He brushed the tears off her cheek with his other hand.

"You deserve more." Her voice was a broken whisper.

He shook his head, smiling again. "You are stubborn, girl." He kissed her fingers again. "Beside, us splitting up would be hard on our baby." He lifted her hand resting it on her swollen belly.

"What?" She asked stunned. Suddenly, recognizing that her stomach _wasn't _twisted into knots. She felt the beautiful, strange sensation of a foot brushing against her rib cage.

He smiled, eyes bright with tears, watching her realize it.

"I didn't lose the baby?"

"No." He said, firmly but his voice cracked on the word as tears fell. "Our baby is doing fine."

"Oh! Adam!" She wept now, overwhelmed by joy and shock.

He embraced her fully, as they wept together. He showered her with kisses and then lay her back down gently, "Shh. . . Hush, now. We're supposed to keep you calm." He brushed his hand back and forth over her cheek, settling back down beside her. She clutched his hand.

"So," He said laughing. "Still want that divorce?"

"Don't . . . I was just. . . I thought . . ."

"A noble sacrifice, baby, but for the record it is _never_ going to happen. You are stuck with me for always - _no matter what. _ And I'm not a man for violence darling, but you talk like that again and I'll hand your backside to you."

"Adam . . ." She blushed, embarrassed.

"I'm serious, girl. I appreciate your attempt to sacrifice yourself but my heart won't beat without yours."

Unable to respond she nodded her head. He reached out, brushing her tears with his fingers.

"Stop crying, darlin'. You need to rest. The doctor is coming by in an hour or so. Close your eyes. I'll stay right here."

***7***

They were chatting quietly when two doctors walked into her room, clipboard in hand two hours later. She immediately recognized Walt Meade, but the man beside him was unfamiliar.

"Awake, I see." Walt said shaking Adam's hand and nodding at her. "Adam, Hannah this Peter Roberts."

"Nice to meet you." Adam said taking the doctor's hand.

"Peter, here just happens to be an ob/gyn who has quite a bit of experience dealing with unusual or difficult pregnancies."

"We've never . . ." Adam's eyes widened in surprise. "I thought you said that the nearest specialist was . . ."

"Peter, also happens to be my brother-in-law. We were all busy over Thanksgiving, so he and his family came this week for a late celebration. Kind of a nice coincidence, don't you think?" Walt smiled at them. He turned and patted his brother-in-law's shoulder. "I'll be in my office, Peter."

"But you are on vacation . . ." Hannah began, her eyes filling yet again with grateful tears.

"Truth be told, my brother-in-law has mentioned you a time or two." He raised his eyebrows and winking at her said, "If you want something done right, huh?"

"We are grateful." Adam said squeezing his hand in a firm handshake.

"Well, I haven't done anything, yet, so . . ." He chuckled and flipped open the clipboard in his hands. "Alright, some questions first. I know you've probably answered these a million times, but you know how it is."

She nodded her head, and Adam settled back in the chair beside her bed.

"This is your fourth pregnancy?" He asked looking carefully over the file in front of him.

"Well, actually," Hannah gave a nervous glance at Adam.

The doctor looked up from the clipboard with a glance at Adam.

"Not fourth?"

"Hannah?" Adam's eyes widened with shock.

"You were on were leaving for roundup and I just realized it, and when you got home, Elizabeth was due, and it was . . ." She shook her head. "By the time everything settled, it was over. Was I supposed to tell you after the fact, just so your heart could break again?"

Adam let a long sigh, and shaking his head said, "I don't even know what to say to you! You didn't even tell me? You are working pretty hard at pissing me off today . . ."

"Adam, think about it. If you could avoid me feeling hurt, you'd do the same. It was just a few weeks. I'm sorry."

"You tell me, I don't care what the situation. You _tell_ me." He said angrily.

Dr. Roberts cleared his throat nervously, and said, "Listen, I'm no therapist but I have been in this business for awhile, and I have got to tell you that it isn't uncommon for a woman in your wife's situation to conceal a miscarriage. I doubt that makes you feel any better, but looking at it from an outsider's perspective, it is somewhat understandable." He glanced at Adam who waved his hand at the doctor and turned away. Dr. Roberts continued, "So, this is your fifth pregnancy?"

"Yes." Hannah's voice was soft.

"And you are at about twenty two weeks, four days - according to your latest ultrasound. In all your previous pregnancies you've miscarried at around twelve weeks?"

"We made it seventeen weeks, once." Adam said turning back, softening at the memory of their shared sorrow. He stepped closer to Hannah's bedside.

"We always lose them." Hannah said and the anguish in her tone, made Adam relent in his anger, as he reached for her hand.

"Until now." Adam said kissing her fingers.

"Well, we are going to make sure that doesn't happen this time. Our magic number is thirty-two. If we can get you to thirty-two weeks, that baby of yours has a great chance of surviving and thriving. And the good news is that I think it is possible."

"You really believe that?" Hannah looked up at the doctor with wide eyes. Her voice reminded Adam of the boys when they were young, asking if they could have an extra cookie - full of hope and longing.

"I do." Dr. Roberts said setting aside her chart and stepping closer to her bedside. "I'm gonna do everything in my power to make that happen - if for no other reason than to make my brother-in-law look bad." He gave a half-hearted chuckle. "I suppose that's the good news. The bad news is that you will be on bedrest from here on out."

"What does that mean exactly?" Hannah asked with a weary eye on the doctor.

"What it sounds like. I suggest if you don't have a library card, you get one because you'll have plenty of time for reading. We need you to rest. You'll be spending your days in bed - no cooking, no cleaning, no dancing."

Hannah said nothing, completely stunned.

"Her?" Adam thumbed in his wife's direction. "You want her to be still for the ten weeks?"

"Hopefully longer."

"I can do it." She said quickly, turning to face her husband and gripping his hand tighter. "Of course I can do it. I'd do anything . . ."

"I know you would, sweetheart. I know." He reassured her, kissing her forehead.

"Good, and then about a year or so from now, you can demand the biggest Mother's Day present in the world." Dr. Roberts said with a warm smile. "Now, we'll keep you here for another couple of days. I want to make sure your numbers are really stable before we send you home, and then I'll check on you every three weeks."

"But you are just visiting." Hannah said surprised.

"Well, San Francisco isn't that far. Besides, it is good to visit my sister's family. Now, get some rest Mrs. McFadden. I will be back this evening to check on you. It was a pleasure meeting you."

"I can't possibly begin to thank you . . . " Hannah began, but the doctor waved her thanks away.

"You are giving me the perfect opportunity to show off to my brother-in-law."

Adam followed the doctor out into the hallway. "Thanks so much, doc. She has been just heartbroken." He hesitated. "We both have. I know that there aren't any guarantees, but I can tell she feels hopeful again, and it has been so long since she . . ." He swallowed. "We don't have much in the way of money, but I swear to my dying day that every single penny will be paid. I promise it, on my word of honor."

"Payment is the least of our worries right now. One thing at a time, alright? Your job is going to be much tougher than hers. Stress is dangerous, and worry won't help anything. You need to keep her spirits up - calm and happy - and that won't be an easy task. Four miscarriages." He shook his head. "You've got a brave woman there. That's a tremendous amount of heartache." He reached out putting a hand on Adam's shoulder. "Of course, I don't have to explain that to you. I am sorry things have been so difficult for the the two of you. Let's see if we can't turn this into a happy ending this time?"

"Doc, there's nothing else on earth I want more than that." The words came out thickly, and Adam ducked his head embarrassed by the sudden and unexpected wave of emotion, but Dr. Roberts gave no indication of noticing this. He squeezed Adam's shoulder.

"I'll be back this evening."

Adam watched him as he disappeared down the hall. He leaned against the wall completely drained, joyous and grateful but exhausted beyond measure. _Ten weeks . . ._ He drew in a deep breath and stepped back into her room.


	7. Chapter 7

_Murphys Grade Road_

Brian glanced at his brother Guthrie who sat slumped beside him in the truck. It was hard even now to look at Guthrie without thinking of him as a smiling, chubby toddler who loved to crawl up into his older brothers' laps and demand that they sing to him. At seventeen, Guthrie was a lanky, hard-working, fun-loving young man, who was shockingly intelligent. He spent his days working the ranch, taking advanced level courses, and playing soccer whenever he could. He was quick to smile and laugh, and he loved to tease his brothers. They all loved him and spoiled him - even Ford who was just two years his senior had babied him. He had grown up protected and loved, and therefore had been a really happy kid. It was hard to see him suffer. He had never been good at hiding his feelings but had always been slow to express his secret hurts and grief.

Brian appreciated Guthrie's acceptance and love of his wife, Caroline. He knew that Guthrie genuinely cared about her, but he didn't go to her when troubles came. It wasn't Crane's wife, Elizabeth, that Guthrie turned to for advice. Much as his sisters-in-law had become part of the McFadden family, there was only one woman that Guthrie turned to and relied on; there was only one that he had dedicated his 9th grade Mother's Day essay to; Guthrie and Hannah were like two peas in a pod and had been almost the first minute that Adam surprised them all by bringing her home.

Thankfully, Guthrie hadn't been home when Adam had found her; hadn't watched as the local volunteer fire fighters loaded her into the truck to rush her to County. He had been in school and so had missed seeing her pale, white skin and hearing Adam's soul-wrenching sobs. If it had been the old days, Brian wouldn't have seen any of it either, but the growth and success of the Circle Bar Seven had resulted in some upgrades to the ranch. They relied on walkie-talkies to communicate and Brian had rushed home the second that the alarm had sounded on the walkie at his hip - the family signal of an emergency. He had stood beside his anguished brother as they lifted Hannah onto the gurney. The memory of it _still_ interrupted his sleep at night - his heart pounding each time, causing him to rise up out of bed and tiptoe to the bassinet where his tiny son slept. He would stay awake for hours gazing at Caroline, sleeping peacefully, her golden hair spread across the pillow.

Crane had gone to the hospital with Adam that day. Brian had stayed behind to wait for Guthrie to come home to break the news to him. They hadn't discussed it - once he'd called Crane, he had accepted that Crane would go and he would stay. The unspoken truth clearly understood; Guthrie would need one of his parents. The memory of Guthrie's cheerful face transforming into absolute fear, rage and grief was too painful and he hadn't shared it with anyone - not even his sweet Caroline.

"You got questions?" He asked Guthrie now.

"No."

"We can talk about it if you want." He tried again.

"Nope."

In any other situation Brian would've chuckled at the terse responses of his teenage brother. He remembered Hannah being surprised when Ford's chatty personality got swallowed up by teenage angst.

_"He doesn't mutter more than two words!" She had complained. "He won't tell me about anything!" Her wounded look had been the only thing that kept him from laughing out loud. Adam had come to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her chuckling softly. _

_"Seventeen." Adam had muttered with a wink at Brian. The three of them stood together in the kitchen as they did so many nights - The Parental Triumvirate in Conference -as Crane had teased them time and time again._

_"Seventeen." Brian had agreed with a sigh. "Well, here we go again."_

_"What?" She had asked glancing from his face to her husband._

_"Oh, don't worry, little sister," He had said compassionately. "Seventeen is no picnic. You just gotta remember underneath all the moody silences is the same kid you've had all along. Adam likes to call it the chrysalis year - they wrap themselves up in silence - getting ready to face the world and fly away from this happy little nest."_

_"But when they shut you out, it hurts like the devil." Adam said resting his chin on top of his wife's hair. "Sorry, darlin'. The first time is the worst, but Brian and me are old pros - Ford's our third seventeen year old."_

_"He'll come back around, honey." Brian had said reaching out and squeezing her arm. "It just . . .he still loves you and needs you, but he has to try and face the world on his own."_

_"I don't like it." Her response had been teary._

_"Nope." Adam agreed._

_"Oh, seventeen's a real son of a bitch, Hannah. And I can't think of how much it'll break our hearts when seventeen wraps his grimy hands around our Guthrie."_

_Her dark eyes had grown bright with tears and Adam had frowned angrily at him. He probably shouldn't have mentioned it. He felt pretty bad about it then - he still felt bad remembering it now._

"Nobody's kept anything from you, Guth. It's just what we said. She's okay and so is the baby."

"I know." Guthrie turned and glanced briefly at Brian before turning his back to the window.

"You wanna talk about sports? The benefits of cross-breeding?" Guthrie turned back to glare at Brian and rolled his eyes.

"Brian . . ."

"Well, it's a long ride, pal."

"I _know_ how long the drive is - _I'm _the one who drove her in last year, remember?"

_Stupid!_ Brian thought remembering that horrible day. He had driven Adam to the hospital leaving him with a withdrawn and weary shadow that was his once fiery sister, only to find a shaking, angry baby brother kicking the side of the truck hard enough to leave a dent.

"I remember, Guthrie. This is different. She didn't lose the baby."

"Yet." Guthrie responded bitterly.

"Hey," He kept his voice smooth and calm. "Listen, partner, I talked to the doc myself. He's really hopeful."

"Yeah, well being hopeful gets your ass handed to you." Guthrie sighed and turned to stare out the window. "Maybe we should talk about football."

"Guth, hey man, I know you're scared but she's okay. It's not just her putting on a brave face. She's okay."

"That doesn't make me feel better, Brian. So she gets good news now - so she gets hopeful and four days from now, two weeks from now, next month - her heart shatters like glass." He reached up and covered his face with his hand. "I swear to God, Brian, I can't take it. She won't recover. She didn't last time. I can't . . . If anything happens . . ."

Brian sagged under the weight of the truth of Guthrie's words. How could he possibly tell Guthrie not to be afraid when he felt the exact same fears? How could he deny that the last miscarriage had robbed her of her joyful spirit? They all saw it; knew it to be true but pretended that she was okay. The unspoken agony buried under her fake smiles and playful teasing - that had become more habit than heartfelt.

Glancing over at Guthrie's hunched form beside him, he reached over and put a hand on his baby brother's shoulder. "I know buddy. We gotta hang in there - for her sake. She wants this so much."

"How many weeks?" Guthrie asked wearily.

"Ten." Brian answered. _Ten goddamn weeks. _He thought but didn't say it.

"That's a pretty damn long time to hold your breath."

Brian sighed. The weight of parenting was unbearable at times, and to think after nearly fifteen years at it, he was starting it all over again. He looked at Guthrie remembering all the times they had ridden together in the truck - a lifetime together struggling their way through grief as they navigated their complicated brother-parent relationship. Daniel, Evan, Ford and Guthrie were his first children - his and Adam's. He supposed that was a part of why he'd been so resentful of Hannah at first. He missed so much the days when the boys were young - when Guthrie's heartaches could be remedied with a cookie and a hug.

He looked at the tall youth beside him wondering where the rough and tumble boy had gone.

"C'mere squirt." He said patting the space beside him.

"Brian." Guthrie groaned.

"Oh, shut up." Brian said reaching out with a long arm and pulling Guthrie nearer. He patted his shoulder. "I know you're not a baby. Maybe, I need comforting. Did you ever think of that?"

"I'm not a kid." Guthrie said stubbornly, but he slumped down low in his seat, resting his head on his older brother's strong shoulder. "It just makes me so . . . I worry that . . ." His sigh carried with it the sound of despair and hope rolled together. "She deserves so much to . . ."

"I know pal, I know."

***7***

_County Hospital_

_Room 2312_

Guthrie hesitated outside the hospital room, half-afraid to step in the door. He hadn't slept at all last night, and was exhausted. Caroline and Brian had tried to reassure him, but in the last two days, he'd felt nothing but stress. He was pretty sure he'd bombed the trig test he'd taken yesterday too. He rubbed a hand over his face, and drawing in a breath stepped into the small hospital room.

Adam was pouring water from a pitcher into a glass and the two of them were talking softly, and laughing. The familiar sound of their two voices was so comfortable that he felt himself relax a little. Adam saw him first, and handing Hannah the glass of water, he smiled at Guthrie, moving towards him with arms outstretched.

"Hey, Guth!" Adam wrapped his arms around him and he was swallowed up in his older brother's hug. "Hey, buddy," Adam continued speaking softly into Guthrie's ear. "She's okay, man. Everything is gonna be okay."

He nearly lost it then, but managed to keep it together, and stepping back from his brother's embrace, swallowed and said weakly, "Hey, Adam." With Adam's hands still on his arms, he glanced past his brother, to see Hannah smiling up at them.

"Guthrie!" She held her arms out and open.

He wanted to run away. He wished he'd stayed at home. Seeing her now - despite her large stomach, she looked small and helpless. He was filled with a sudden inexplicable anger. He supposed at first - the first time - it was mostly resentment and jealousy that caused him to view her pregnancy with fear and anger, but over time - watching her suffer again and again - their announcement would fill him with rage. He didn't understand it. Why? Why, did they keep on trying? It nearly cost her, her life, and had certainly robbed her of her sweet, joyful spirit. He felt angry toward Adam - thought his older brother should put his foot down, and demand that she give up. He chewed at the corner of his lower lip, considering her now.

"Guthrie," Adam admonished, giving his shoulder a gentle push. "It's okay. You can hug her."

He crossed the small space then - ashamed and frightened. He embraced her, sinking into her familiar arms.

"Everything is okay, Guthrie. I'm sorry I scared you. Everything is gonna be just fine." She said and her confidence filled him with dread. She was setting herself up for heartbreak; again.

"I'm glad." He said, but even he could hear the strain in his voice. He sat beside her on the bed - as he had so many times before, and plastered a smile over his features.

"Oh, Guth." She said softly, and reaching out, ran a hand over his forehead, pushing back his bangs.

"So, when do you get to come home?" He asked quickly, hoping to distract her.

"Couple days." Adam said smiling and coming to stand beside the bed.

"Good."

He ducked his head, unable to meet her deep brown eyes, that always seemed to see right through him. He looked down at her hand in his. Her fingers were thin and small. He always found her hands fascinating - just as strong as his, but so light and feminine. She was a hard-worker, and able to pull her weight around the ranch, but her fingernails were painted a delicate, feminine pink. He used to tease her all the time saying over and over, "You are such a girl!" And she was - the first girl he'd ever really known well. She had been strange and mysterious when she'd first arrived at the ranch. He had been twelve but a spoiled and protected twelve - so he had been young for his age. Everything about her was intriguing to him. She behaved so differently than his rowdy brothers, and she changed everything about their lives. The house changed, his brothers changed - even he changed. It didn't take long for him to realize how deeply he loved her, and had once asked Crane, "Is this what it felt like to have a mother?" Crane's blue eyes had filled with tears and unable to speak, he had only nodded his head.

His older brothers had been busy all the time, and saw him as a small child - not able to pull his weight. He was often left behind and left out. But after Adam brought her home, she not only kept him company when they were gone, but pushed his older brothers to see him as a more than capable ranch hand. And they had so much fun together. They would cook, sing, laugh, and tease. No one, not even Adam, could tease her the way he could. It was as if they had known each other their whole lives - like she could see inside him and he knew her - could read her moods and frustrated her no end when she found it impossible to keep secrets from him.

Of course that meant that when the last miscarriage happened, he could see right through her fake smiles and half-hearted attempts to appear recovered. He kept wanting to say something to his brothers who seemed to accept that things had returned to normal as they had in the past, but he knew - she had been shattered and destroyed. Her brokenness colored everything around him - even his happiness over his niece and nephew. Nearly his first thought, when he saw Brian's tiny son, had been of her and how she must feel to see another sister-in-law have a child with ease.

Lost in thought, he sighed and realized that Adam had been talking to him, and he hadn't heard any of it. He glanced up, blushing embarrassed.

"Guth? Did you?" Adam repeated.

"Huh?"

"He wasn't listening, Adam." Hannah said softly.

He put his head back down, trying to think of a way to get out of the room. He was too close to falling apart and stress was the last thing she needed.

"Guth?" He felt a gentle tug on his hand. "Hey, c'mon, look at me."

He bit his lip, tasting blood, and determined to keep his head down. He shook his head softly.

"I probably should get . . ."

"Uh, uh."

He couldn't stop himself from looking up when he heard the old, familiar, sharp tone to her voice. He met her eyes then, and she smiled at him.

"You are trouble, boy. You know that?" She said as brown eyes shone with tears. She had said it to him a million times over the last four years.

"I know." Was his automatic response.

"I know you are scared." She said, swallowing and glancing up at Adam. "I am too, but it is different this time. Guth, it feels different."

He sighed. "I don't wanna talk about it, Hannah. You can't be worried about me. They said stress was bad and . . ."

"Oh, shut up." She said sweeping her hand at him. "You and me been avoiding this all year."

"Hannah, don't . . ." He exhaled loudly in frustration, glancing up at Adam. "I'm gonna go. She's just gonna get . . ." He tried to rise, but Adam put a strong hand on his shoulder keeping him in the same spot.

"No. She'll worry whether you two talk or not. She can read you like a book, pal. Always has been able to." He sighed. "You can't fool her, Guth. She's a really good mother."

It was the last word that finished him off. _Mother._ She was a really good mother. She was _his_ mother. He felt his shoulders shake and something inside him shatter - as though his heart were fractured into a million sharp pieces that stabbed him from the inside.

"I'm gonna go." He said twisting from under Adam's hand and rising.

"Guthrie James McFadden, you'll do no such thing." Her voice was firm.

He looked from her to Adam who stood beside her with clenched jaw, and his grief turned back around to anger again.

"Why?" He asked trying to keep his voice even and calm. "Why do you let her do this? You _know_ what will happen! She can't . . ." He shook his head, his voice lost in tears. "I don't understand! How can you let her suffer over and over! And for what? You are supposed to protect her!"

Adam's eyes grew wide with shock, and his eyes grew glassy with unshed tears. The look of pain that crossed his older brother's features filled Guthrie with shame. He should never have come; should never have spoken.

"Guthrie," Hannah said softly.

He turned toward her, his shoulders sagging, the rage replaced with shame and sorrow. "I don't understand it, Hannah. Why? You know what happened last time! What if it happens again? You won't . . .what about us? What will happen to us if this doesn't work out? Aren't we enough?"

"Yes." Her response was immediate and firm. "You are more than enough, Guthrie."

"I can't . . .It has hurt you so much, and I . . . when you suffer." He cleared his throat, turning toward her. "And I'll be gone soon. I'll be in LA and if anything happens I won't be here to make sure you are okay." His stomach twisted in knots.

"Come here, Guth." She lifted her hand and sighing he moved and settled back on the edge of her bed, his head down. She reached out for his hand and rubbed her soft fingers back and forth over his hand.

"Adam was so foolish not to tell me about you before he married me." She said softly. "It's funny to think about now, after all these years. I can't imagine a world without you in it, Guthrie. The thought of you going to school makes me so proud and so sad too. I think about how you'll be so far when this baby grows up - I wish so much that . . ." She stopped her voice lost in tears. "I wish that first baby had been born. They would've grown up with you. I think it must be something of how your Mama must have felt thinking of Adam going off to school and you not growing up with him."

The room grew heavy with silence, the only sound the monitors which hummed and beeped. He felt the softness of her fingers which still swept back and forth across his hand.

"But what if . . ." He began.

"Guthrie, don't!" Adam interrupted sharply.

"Adam, it's alright." She said gently. Laughing softly, she sighed and said, "You two are so protective! He should ask it. He's got every right."

"You won't recover from it." Guthrie said meeting her eyes. "You didn't last time."

Her brown eyes filled with tears and reaching up, she brushed at her cheek wiping a tear away. Adam stepped closer to her, a hand on her shoulder.

"I know." She nodded her head. "You are right, Guth. I've spent this last year so . . .and I know you've seen it and worried about it. It isn't fair to you, or to him." She glanced up at Adam.

"Don't spend a second worrying about . . ." Adam squeezed her shoulder stopping himself. He shifted his jaw from side to side before continuing. "You and me already talked about that, girl."

"But it isn't just you and me it affects." She said with a sad smile. She turned back to Guthrie. "I know you are angry at him - at us. It must seem like we are doing this on purpose - bringing grief to the house."

"No, I was just upset. I shouldn't have said that."

"No, you should and I'm glad you did. You and me have never had secrets before."

"I don't like it when we do." He admitted.

"Neither do I, but grief's a strange thing, and I had a hard time handling it, and this," She ran a hand over her stomach. "You are right, losing this baby would be so hard."

"Then why do it? Why?"

"All the usual reasons, Guthrie. I don't want to be finished being a mother. I love it. I love you and your brothers, and I want Adam to have a child all his own. Don't you think he deserves that?"

"Of course, I do, but not if it costs you so much."

She said nothing more, but instead reached up and rubbed his cheek with her hand. "I can't believe that you'll be moving away from me. Who's gonna look after me when you are at school, huh?"

He shook his head, swallowing tears. "I don't know. It's a full time job, I'll tell you that!"

She pulled him toward her then and he let the damn inside him burst at last, and sobbed in her arms. She kept her arms tight around him, and he could feel his older brother's firm hand rubbing rough circles on his back.

"We'll make sure I'm okay, no matter what, alright, Guth? I promise you." She whispered softly. "But I believe this time it is gonna be different."

"I hope so, Hannah." He whispered in her ear. "I really, really do."


	8. Chapter 8

Adam ran his fingers through his still-wet hair and settled on the front step of the porch, his long legs stretched out in front of him. The soft slam of the screen door caused him to turn his head just as Brian stepped out onto the porch, handing him a beer.

"Thanks." He said to his brother, gratefully accepting the bottle. Brian moved to sit beside him on the step, his fingers curled around the neck of his own bottle. Adam looked up into the dark sky, exhausted beyond words. He'd spent the last four nights at the hospital, and it felt unbelievable to be home again.

"Caroline still with her?" He asked, glancing at his younger brother.

"Yup. I imagine I'll have to drag her away in a bit. Those girls can talk for hours and hours."

"I guess she's due for a talk or two - she did time all alone on McFadden Island. I never realized how much girls need to talk to each other. Thank God you and Crane finally married!" Adam said laughing and lifting the cold beer to his lips.

"Well, it's not like you're a real big talker, Adam."

"I feel like it has been years since I've been home." Adam said leaning back, his head resting on the top of the porch as he looked up into the endless sky.

"It has been. You okay? I mean I haven't seen you since you rushed out of here. She doing okay?"

"Well, you would loved this!" Adam said chuckling at the memory. "When she first woke up, she was confused, you know - thought it was our usual emergency trip and all."

Brian nodded his head, thinking of all the other times they'd had to take her to the hospital or doctor's office.

"Anyway, she opens her eyes, looks around and promptly tells me to divorce her and marry someone else."

"What?" Brian sat up completely stunned. "She did what?"

"Oh, you know her!" Adam said turning to his brother. "Always quick to sacrifice herself for the good of the McFadden boys." He shook his head and waved his hand at his brother. "So, it was clear that she wasn't gonna let me get a word in edgewise, so I just let her go on about how I should have a chance at fatherhood, and she was no good for me. If my heart wasn't ready to break I would've laughed my ass off."

"She didn't know the baby was okay?" Brian asked.

"No! She was too set on fixing everything for me. Finally, she runs out of steam, and I point out to her that divorce would be tough on the kid." He laughed. "God, I almost wish you'd have been there to see it!"

"It's not too often that you have one over on our Hannah." Brian said laughing.

"Nope." Adam agreed.

"I hope, Adam." Brian said after a quiet pause. "You know?"

"Yeah . . ." He swallowed hard. "Do you ever feel like you can't catch your breath?"

"I do." Brian agreed and reaching out squeezed Adam's shoulder.

"Ten weeks is a long damn time." Adam said glancing away from his brother, and brushing tears with the back of his hand. He took a swig of beer.

"You should go get some rest." Brian said. "You haven't really slept in days. Why don't you go over to our place. Me and Caroline can manage things."

"I should . . ."

"You won't really sleep next to her. You'll fuss at every move she makes. Go on, brother, get some sleep. We'll stay here. Hell, it ain't like I'm gonna be able to pull Caroline away from her anyway. Go on."

"Yeah, okay, I guess. I'll just go give her a kiss first." Adam said rising slowly.

"No way, man. Just go sleep. I'll tell her. You go in to give her a kiss and you'll be there for hours. Get out of here."

Adam hesitated and if the situation weren't so serious Brian would laughed and teased his brother. Adam was rarely unsure what to do. He'd had to take charge at such a young age, he'd taught himself to appear confident even when he didn't know what the hell he was doing.

Brian rose and pulled Adam down the steps by his arm.

"Get outta here before I put a boot in your backside. You'll be much better after you get some rest. Go on." He gave Adam a push away from the house.

Adam gave a quick nod, and continued toward the smaller white house that Brian and his brothers had built on the other side of the barn. He had crossed the yard when he paused to say, "Thanks Bri."

"Oh, shut up." Brian called out into the dark night. "Go on!"

He watched Adam until his figure was swallowed up in darkness. The crunch of boots caused him to turn his head to see Crane coming around the side of the house.

"Hey, there little brother. You just missed the old man. I sent him to bed."

"Yeah? Good. I thought he was about ready to drop two days ago." Crane said moving to sit on the third step of the porch.

"Wanna beer?" Brian asked.

"Nah. I just thought I'd walk over and see how things were. The girls are all asleep. Elizabeth's all worn out and went to bed at the same time as Ivy! It was still sunny out!" Crane said with a laugh.

"Don't mess with a pregnant woman, Crane." Brian said knowingly.

"Amen!" Crane sighed. "You talk to him? How's he holding up?"

"Oh, you know Adam. Same old, same old."

"Chiseled-jawed cowboy, huh?" Crane laughed. "He tell you she was gonna try and get him to divorce her?"

"Yeah." Brian nodded. "Girl is stubborn!"

"Only one stubborn enough to put up with his sorry ass." Crane agreed.

"True that. I hear the girls got together and worked out a schedule."

"Yep. They've got Guthrie cooking on days when he doesn't have soccer." Crane said.

"Good thing I've got Caroline cooking for me now."

"He's actually a really good cook, Bri. He spent all that time cooking with Hannah. He's near about as good as her."

"Mama's boy." Brian said with a laugh. "God, I sure hope . . ."

"I don't think I could take it if things don't work out." Crane said wistfully.

"I know I couldn't." Brian said softly. He lifted his beer up to the bright stars above them. "Thirty weeks!"

"Thirty weeks." Crane agreed. "Dear God, that's all we ask."

***7***

"I didn't know what you already had, but I completely raided one of the girls' dorms. I tried to put back any repeats, but there might still be duplicates in there." Ford said sitting on the edge of Adam and Hannah's bed.

About twenty magazines were spread out on the bed between them. Hannah sat up, leaning against her pillows.

"Thanks Ford, but you shouldn't have done that. It would be ridiculous for you to get thrown out of school for stealing magazines. What if you had been caught?"

"I was caught." He said matter of factly, and Hannah looked up shocked.

"Ford!"

"But then I explained and a ton of girls offered their magazines." He glanced up at her blushing. "I mighta got a couple of phone numbers too." He grinned shyly.

"Ford Michael McFadden!" Hannah said laughing. "Good for you!"

Adam stepped into the room. "What's all the ruckus? Good Lord!" He said seeing the pile of magazines. "You rob the 7-11, Ford?"

"Nope. He used those baby blues of his to convince a girls dorm to volunteer their magazines for me - and their phone numbers." Hannah grinned at her husband who sat down beside her on the bed.

"Ford! Nice job, buddy." Adam said high-fiving his younger brother. "Way to use your sister-in-law!"

"Sister." Ford corrected. Adam laughed and exhaled slowly, stretching his legs out.

"I'm beat! Hey, Ford, since you're home, don't you wanna cover my afternoon chores? You know for old time's sake. I bet you've been homesick for the happy days working the ranch."

"Adam." Hannah admonished slapping his arm gently.

"Sure." Ford said cheerfully. "I can cover it for you." He rose, and leaning over kissed Hannah's cheek. "It sure is good to see you, Hannah. I'll confess it to you now, I was pretty worried."

"Me too." She said reaching out and holding his hand. "I am glad to see you, Ford. I miss you something fierce, but you can't come home every time something happens back here at the ranch. You've got your own life now. Even if it makes me sad, you're grown. It is time for you to spread your wings." She squeezed his fingers.

"Listen, even a grown man comes home when his Mama's in trouble." He winked at her and kissing her cheek one more time, he released her hand and crossed to the bedroom door. Hesitating in the doorway, he glanced back at the two of them stretched out in the bed. "I gotta go cover old man McFadden's chores, Hannah, but later I'll show you the book we're reading in English class. You'd like it. The old man can take a nap."

Adam sat up tossing his boot in Ford's direction. "This old man can kick your ass, Little Beans! You watch it!"

But Ford had already dashed down the stairs and away.

"He's getting lippy in his old age." Adam fussed.

"He's hilarious. He just could never get a word in edgewise before." She said laughing.

"Hungry?" He asked her.

"Nope. Elizabeth and Caroline try to feed me every twenty minutes. I'm gonna get fat lying in this bed."

"You could use a little fat. Oh, I almost forgot!" He reached under him to pull something out of his back pocket. "We got a letter from Evan."

"Oh! Give it!" Hannah said reaching out with greedy fingers.

"Hmmm. I don't know." Adam teased holding the letter away from her.

"Adam!"

"Oh, alright." He said handing her the letter. "Read it out loud to me." He said sinking back down, and tilting his hat over his eyes.

"Okay." She opened the letter and glancing at her husband stretched out beside her, she leaned over and gave his cheek a kiss before unfolding the letter. "Let's see."

_Dear Folks,_

_ I sure was glad to get that phone call from Brian, and am glad that_

_ things are working out okay. I wanted to rush straight home, when_

_ Guthrie called me, but I would've lost my spot for the rest of the tour. _

_ I'll come home just as soon as I can. I want you to know that I'm thinking_

_ of you and wishing with all my heart._

_ Adam - you make sure she rests and for pity sake, don't let Brian cook_

_ for her. _

_ Don't worry about me. I'm being safe and all that. Just take care of yourself._

_ I miss you and think of you always,_

_ Evan_

"That's downright mushy for Evan." Adam said sleepily. "God, I'm happy that Ford's doing my chores. I could fall asleep right now."

"Go ahead." Hannah said laughing.

"Nu uh. Not unless you snuggle up to me. Can't sleep right without my girl." Adam said setting his hat aside and opening his arms to her.

Hannah scooted over and rested her head on his chest. They said nothing, but Adam's hand reached out and rubbed her stomach gently. The baby turned and kicked and he laughed out loud.

"I think it's a girl. Too feisty to be a mean old cowboy like me." He said softly. Hannah said nothing but Adam could feel her shoulders tense. "Hannah?"

Her voice was a near-whisper, "Don't Adam. I couldn't . . . eight weeks is a long time."

He said nothing; could think of nothing to say to her. He couldn't promise her that everything would be alright - he couldn't see that far into the future. He sighed and tightening his arms around her, he leaned in kissing her. "Hush, now, Hannah Joy. I'm right here, and I ain't going nowhere - not ever."

If he couldn't promise her a perfect future, he could at least reassure with the little that he had, and hoped that it would be enough to strengthen her for whatever came their way.

***7***

"I'm not taking pictures, Hannah." Guthrie groaned. He was leaning against the chair in the big bedroom, dressed in dress pants and a button-down shirt.

"Well, that's not fair! Guth! I'm stuck in this bed! I wanna see! You know I'd be at the dance if it weren't for being stuck here." Hannah complained.

"Every cloud has a silver lining." But he winced even as he said it. "I'm sorry." He immediately apologized. "I didn't mean . . ."

"Oh, yes you did." She said laughing. "I know you don't want me chaperoning anything. You've outgrown me!"

"No, I haven't." He said repentantly.

"Yes, you have."

"Oh, you are trying to guilt me into taking pictures. You are so unfair, Hannah!"

"Please, Guth?"

"Well, actually, Marly's Dad is bringing her over her so you can see her dress." Guthrie grinned at her.

"Oh! Guthrie!" Hannah's eyes filled with tears.

"Good Lord! Hannah! Are you crying?" Guthrie shook his head. "I'm not bringing Marly up here if you are gonna cry."

"Be nice." Hannah said wiping her eyes.

"I am nice."

"You are." She agreed. "Come here. Let me fix that tie."

He crossed to her, sitting on the edge of the bed, as she reached out to straighten out his tie.

"There." She said running her hand over his tie. "You look real handsome, Guth."

"Thanks." He said softly and leaning down to kiss her cheek. "See, I still need you, Mom."

He rose and crossed the room, talking quickly as he did. "She'll be here in about twenty minutes, so you better get that crying under control. I'm serious, Hannah. _I_ understand you being a crybaby girl, but Marly thinks you are a tough cowgirl, so you better get it together."

"Yes, sir." She said laughing and wiping away tears.

***7***

"Daniel Robert!" Adam said swinging open the front door. "Aren't you supposed to be in El Passo? What on earth are you doing here?"

"Came to check on your girl." Daniel said. "And I thought I could take Ford back to school. I gotta flight out of LA tomorrow night. He can hitch a ride with me."

"Yes!" Ford said as they stepped into the living room. "Thank you, Daniel!"

"Not a big fan of Amtrack?" Adam asked with raised eyebrows.

"I'm grateful for whatever I have." Ford said politely.

"Oh, shut up. Hannah's sleeping she can't hear you." Adam said tossing a pillow at Ford.

"Well, in that case, riding Amtrack sucks! It takes FOREVER!"

"Well, hitch your wagon to this star, Ford. We got a car coming for us tomorrow at two."

"You are my favorite brother, Daniel. You always have been."

"Liar!" Daniel said laughing.

"You hungry? We got piles of food in the kitchen. Caroline and Elizabeth got the whole town organized. Every couple of hours someone drops off something for us to eat."

"I can see that big brother." Daniel said reaching out and patting Adam's stomach and then flopping on the sofa.

"Watch it, Danny." Adam warned. He sat in the armchair across from Daniel. "I can't believe you came all this way for one day. Hannah's gonna kill you. You can't be running home like this."

"You ain't the boss of me." Daniel said laughing.

"Watch it, little brother."

"Nah, it's no big deal, Adam. Tommy doesn't mind."

"Don't push your luck." Adam said. "It'd be awful if they sent you home from the tour because of us. I'd feel guilty."

"Number 19." Daniel said without explanation.

"What?" Adam asked, with furrowed brows.

"'One Good Woman', it is still in the top 20. We released it over eighteen months ago and it is still in the top 20." Daniel said meeting Adam's eye. "Tommy has a real soft spot for Hannah, seeing as how she completely revived his career."

"That was you, Danny."

"Uh uh. That song brings people to his concerts, convinces people to buy his albums, and I never would've wrote it, if you hadn't married Hannah."

"Well . . ." Adam couldn't think of anything to say.

"So, if I wanna fly home and check on her, Tommy's gonna say yes. Hell, he wanted to tag along!"

"Tommy's good people." Adam said huskily "And you tell him he's welcome here, any time."

The sudden crackle of a radio interrupted their conversation. Adam lifted a walkie talkie out of his pocket.

"Yes, dear?" He said.

"Are you listening to music? I hear Daniel." Hannah's voice crackled through the walkie-talkie.

"You're supposed to be sleeping." Adam pointed out.

"Is he here? What is he doing here? Adam! Tell him to get his backside upstairs right now, or I'm coming down!"

Adam turned to Daniel with a grin. "You heard her, Danny. Good luck, little brother."

"She's not really happy about people dropping everything and running home." Ford said looking up from his textbook. "Just nod and say, 'yes, ma'am.' It will go much faster. She just needs to get it out of her system."

"The expert." Adam said with a laugh, thumbing in Ford's direction.

"Thanks, man." Daniel said, rising and walking slowly to the stairs. He paused at the bottom step. "Don't you wanna check on your beloved wife?"

"No, that's alright. You got this." Adam said. "Someone brought us a banana cream pie, and I don't want it to go bad." Laughing he disappeared into the kitchen.

Daniel sighed and glancing at Ford shook his head.

"You know," Ford said quietly, "Sometimes Adam's a real bastard."

Daniel's eyes grew wide, shocked by his little brother. "Nice one, Beans, but I tell you right now, if my back's against the wall, I'll sell you out and tell everyone about it."

"Runs in the family then." Ford said shaking his head.

Daniel was laughing still even as he pushed the door open to the room that held his irritated sister-in-law.

***7***

"You think we could squeeze ten more people in here?" Crane asked from where he sat perched on the edge of the armchair in Adam and Hannah's bedroom. He held Brian's baby son in his arms.

"Funny." Brian said.

"Be quiet." His wife warned.

The room was crowded. The entire McFadden family, minus Evan were squashed in the master bedroom. Hannah had called a family meeting that afternoon. She sat up on the bed with Adam to her left. Guthrie sat on the far end of the bed, with little Ivy lying asleep next to him. She glanced around at all her brothers and their wives.

"Alright, then." She began.

"Oh, the boss is talking - everyone settle down." Adam said waving his hand and laughing.

"Adam Jackson, you knock it off." Hannah said turning to her husband.

"Hey, I'm just trying to get them to . . ."

"Quit while you are ahead, big brother." Brian called laughing.

"Brian!" She said sharply, shaking a warning finger at him, and he grew immediately silent, as the room around him exploded in laughter.

"Now, listen, I appreciate everyone worrying about us. But I'm stuck in this bed for at least another eight weeks, and I can't have anyone missing tour dates, or dropping a class and falling behind just because of worry. Rushing home won't change anything. We just have to wait, which I recognize isn't something anyone in this family is real good at, but that's just the way it is." Hannah said glancing around the room. "We got a ranch to run, and you boys have your own lives to take care of - so even though I appreciate it," She paused biting her lip and fighting tears. "I really appreciate it, you can't come rushing back here like this. It's crazy and I won't mess things up for you guys."

"Well, you are right that we have our own lives now, Hannah, but that also means that we decide what to do with them." Daniel said seriously. "And if I wanna come home and give my sister a kiss, then I'm gonna."

"Daniel . . ." She said softly.

"Why you even bother to expect these cowboys to behave is beyond me." Crane said to her. "We are unruly yahoos, you _know_ that!"

"Well, that is true, but really fellas." She sighed. "Please, just try and consider . . . oh, never mind! You boys are completely hopeless, you know that?"

"We do." Brian said grinning at her. "Sorry, sis."

"You aren't even sorry, Brian don't try it!" She sighed.

A comfortable silence filled the room briefly until it was interrupted with the slam of a door, and then they heard Evan's voice call from downstairs, "Anybody home?"

Hannah just rolled her eyes and covered her face with her hand saying softly, "I give up."

"'Bout time." Adam said kissing her before rising and standing in the doorway called down, "Everyone's up here, Ev!"


	9. Chapter 9

He stumbled as he ran and had to throw his arms out to steady himself. It had been ages since he'd run all out and despite the fact that a lifetime of ranching kept him in good shape, he felt the effect of his thirty-two years. He wasn't an eighteen year old playing tag with his baby brothers anymore.

Guthrie was already coming down the steps as he rounded the corner of the barn. Guthrie was terrible at keeping secrets and telling lies; his face was too open and honest to keep anything tucked away. His face was white. His mouth a tight line. Guthrie scrambled down the steps and met Adam at the bottom.

"Breathe a sec." Guthrie said his hands on Adam's forearms.

Even in this difficult moment, Adam recognized that the tables had turned and his baby brother was comforting and calming him.

"What . . . what . . . did the . . . Doc say?" He tried to catch his breath but even thinking of the possible answers filled his heart with dread.

"The doctor's busy. No time for answers just yet. We have to wait."

Adam had trained himself not to curse. He felt the burden of representing his parents daily and Kate McFadden expected her sons to be gentlemen. Times like now, though, he struggled and a flood of words bubbled up inside threatening to burst out.

"Aw, dammit!" He turned away from Guthrie who let out a quiet sigh.

"I called Crane. Brian is gone. He went to pick up Caroline. They should be back in an hour, I guess."

"Yeah? Ok. Thanks, Guth."

"Crane's gonna call Daniel, I bet. I got a couple of numbers inside for you." Guthrie gestured toward the house.

Adam stood frozen, unsure and frightened.

"Come on." Guthrie reached out and put a hand on Adam's arm. "Come on, Adam."

***7***

A strange flash of déjà vu washed over Daniel as he stepped off the stage to find Crane standing in the wings waiting for him. He blinked twice thinking of how he had surprised Ford nearly six weeks ago. Now it was his turn to stand shocked and stunned as his brother appeared.

"Crane? What are you. . ." And then he realized it. He was in Kansas. There was no reason on earth for Crane to show up on a Friday night in Kansas. No _good_ reason.

"Hey, Danny." Crane's voice betrayed every emotion. He reached out hugging Daniel to himself. Daniel pushed himself away from Crane so that he could meet his older brother's clear, blue eyes.

"What happened?" He said, not even bothering to hide the weariness in his voice.

Crane hesitated glancing around the noisy backstage area. "Come on, little brother, let's go somewhere where we can sit down."

***7***

Brain paced in front of the couches where Caroline and Guthrie sat watching him.

"This is crazy! We should go already!"

"Honey, there isn't anything you can do right now." Caroline said soothingly. "Someone needs to run the ranch and it can't be him."

"I can run things." Guthrie said angrily.

"You've got school." Brian turned on Guthrie, finding an outlet for his pent-up anger. "And you damn well better go because we got enough without having to worry about some . . ."

"Honey," Caroline interrupted him. "You aren't mad at Guthrie." The soft cry of a baby coming from the small crib in the corner of the room caused them all to turn their heads.

"I got him." Guthrie said rising quickly and crossing to where his young nephew had just awoken. He lifted the baby into his arms, rubbing gentle circles on his back.

"Guth," Brian ran a hand through his hair, struggling to find words to express himself.

"Don't worry about it." He said settling next to Caroline. "Everybody is tense."

"Yeah." Brian agreed. He sighed and the room grew silent again.

Caroline ran her hand back and forth over her son's downy-soft hair, and leaning low kissed his brow, as Guthrie held him against his shoulder.

"What's he gonna say to her?" Guthrie asked softly.

"I don't . . ." Brian shook his head. "God, I can't even imagine."

***7***

The room was completely silent and he knew he should say something; that he'd been silent far too long. She said nothing, her eyes down. She was waiting. Still he hesitated. He didn't want to speak.

"It must be pretty damn bad if you won't even say it." She sighed. "And this baby of ours is kicking my ribs pretty good right now, so for once it isn't _me_ causing you to look like that." She reach out grabbing his hand. "Adam? Honey? You're scaring me. Tell me." She squeezed his fingers tightly.

"I don't wanna . . . Baby, you can't go, okay? You know you've got to stay right here. No matter how much you might want to . . .no matter what you gotta stay here."

"Adam! What happened?"

"There was an accident." He said, swallowing hard.

"Who?" Her voice was a whisper.

He chewed at the corner of his lip and cleared his throat trying to stop the tears that were already escaping. "It's Ford."

She let go his hand covering her mouth. Her dark eyes filled with tears and he watched her struggle. He knew in any other circumstance she would be halfway down the stairs already. Instead she cried softly, one hand resting on her swollen middle, the other wiping at tears that escaped.

"What happened? Was it a car?"

"No." His voice came out harsh and sharp as he wrestled with the oldest of demons. "No, honey, no. Something happened in the lab and" He swallowed, unable to continue. "They are trying to save his eye." He drew in a gulp of air. "His right eye."

She nodded her head silently and began to sob. Her sorrow cut him deeply and yet he felt conflicted too. He wanted to be on the road already. He needed to be with his brother.

"He must be so scared. He can't be alone. You should go, right now. He shouldn't be alone." She said looking up at him with tear filled eyes. She shook her head and covered her face with her hands.'"I can't go." She said softly and he could hear the anguish in her voice. He sat down beside her, taking her hands in his.

"No, darlin'. You can't." He lifted her hands, kissing her fingers. "I'm so sorry. Brian and Caroline are gonna stay here with you and Guth. I'll call as soon as I know anything. I promise."

"You are driving alone?" She looked up sharply, her eyes wide with fear. "Adam . . ."

"I'll be careful and I'll call you as soon as I know anything." He rose, her hands still in his.

"Adam, promise you'll drive carefully. Promise it."

"I just did." He knelt beside the bed. "I promise, honey." He leaned close to her, resting his forehead against hers. "I'm not even gonna tell you to try not to worry, but be careful, please." He reached out and ran a hand over her stomach, amazed to feel the baby turn and move under his hand.

"I'll try."

"You call the doctor if _anything_ doesn't feel right. I mean it."

He stood up again, looking down at her. He was riddled with guilt. It was clear she was miserable.

"He'll be okay, Adam. He'll be okay." She bit her lip, keeping her tears at bay.

"I'll send Caroline up." He lifted her hand to his lips. "I love you, Hannah. I'll call as soon as I know."

He tried to leave the room quickly, thinking it would be easier, but hesitated in the doorway. He felt torn in two - worried already that the stress of Ford's injury would be too much for her; too much for their baby.

"Try not to . . ." He stopped himself remembering that he said he wouldn't tell her that and recognizing what an impossible request it was. He stood silent a minute longer staring into her eyes. "I'll call you, honey." Was the last thing he said before he walked out the door uncertain what the future held, but grateful that she would be there whatever came their way.


	10. Chapter 10

It was strange to see his mother's face. He'd been five the last time he had seen her and had feared he didn't know her anymore, but as soon as she leaned down to whisper in his ear, it all came flooding back.

The pain which was grinding, relentless and intense faded into the background as he turned his focus to her.

"Shhh. Little Beans, shhh. Mama's here. Just rest."

She began to hum softly, an old song, so familiar - like the beating of his heart. He pictured himself a small boy in a boat, rowing with her to reach the shore. And just when he settled into the comforting sound of her voice; the comforting familiarity of her presence, everything shifted again and she was replaced with Adam's voice.

"Ford, c'mon on buddy. Everything's gonna be okay. I'm right here. I'm here, okay? You hang in there, Little Beans."

He wanted to ask where Mama had gone, and why she had left. He wanted to reach out and cling to his brother's warm, and comforting hand. He wanted to be lifted as though he were still a small boy and rocked in his mother's arms again. The pain had resurfaced and he felt it full force piercing every thought and he was alone again.

***7***

"You didn't eat much." Brian said glancing at the tray as he moved it away from Hannah.

"I ate." She was immediately defensive.

"Hey, don't . . ." He shrugged his shoulders and sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "You want something else? Ice cream? Chocolate maybe?"

"No."

He shifted the tray awkwardly, trying to think of something to say. "There's a pie someone brought by. It's not near as good as something you'd make, but it isn't too bad."

She shook her head.

"Caroline's sleeping. She was up most the night, and then the baby was fussing all morning, so . . .maybe I should call Elizabeth?"

"No, Brian. That's alright. I'm doing . . . I'm okay."

"It's a long drive." Brian pointed out, but she said nothing. "He'll call when he gets there. But he'll talk to the doc first." She nodded her head.

"Hannah?"

"I'm okay."

He rose, the tray in his hand, and studied her thoughtfully. "I don't know, Hannah. I've known you a pretty long time, and this might be the only time that out of the two of us, I'm the one doing all the talking." He glanced at the tray in his hands. "I'm gonna take this downstairs, and then I'm coming back up with a deck of cards. I'm challenging you to a game of poker and every time I win a hand - you gotta come up with one decent sentence to say to me."

He turned to leave the room, but as he stepped out the door she said, "No worries then. You'll never win a hand."

He glanced back and smiled at her, shaking his head. He should have known, even pregnant, worried and trapped in her bed, she was faster on her feet than him.

***7***

Adam stood listlessly in the hallway near Ford's hospital room. They'd allowed him in briefly when he'd arrived. Ford was out of surgery by the time he'd come running in the hospital doors. He'd looked down at his little brother who somehow seemed smaller and vulnerable lying in the hospital bed, his covered in gauze. Adam's mind flashed backwards in time and saw Ford again, six years old, climbing up onto his lap saying in a sweet baby voice, "Read me a story, JuJu."

He turned and looked to the left and right, trying to orient himself. He couldn't remember which way he'd come in. He needed to find a phone. Hannah would be worried. Glancing down he tried to read the numbers on his watch, but his vision blurred. It wouldn't have mattered if he could read the numbers anyway - he didn't know if it was day or night, but either way, she'd be waiting up; worried.

He turned to go when a man came around the corner, and seeing him, paused, looking nervous. Adam was just about to step around him, but he now stood awkwardly directly in front of him, blocking his path.

"Are you Mr. McFadden?"

The word's sent a shiver down his spine. _Oh, God!_ What if he were a doctor sent to deliver some horrific news about Ford's eye? What if he were delivering a message from home? Exhaustion and stress made his mind easy prey for every possible worry.

"Ye . . . ah." He drawled out slowly. "I'm Adam McFadden."

"You're the brother - the oldest one?"

"Who are you?" Adam asked the tension building with each second.

"I'm Bill Edwards. I'm Ford's professor." He explained. "I'm sorry. You look . . . why don't you sit down." He gestured toward the hard plastic chairs that lined the hallway.

"No, I'm . . . I'm sorry. Who did you say you were? I'm having a hard time focusing right now."

"Of course! I'm so sorry. I'm from the university. Ford is my lab assistant. I called your house and spoke to your brother, Gordon, I think."

"Guthrie." Adam corrected. He sank into a chair suddenly too weary to stand any more. "Maybe you can tell me what's going on . . . I don't . . . Ford's always been really cautious. I don't see how he could be in the lab without safety goggles. It doesn't make any sense. When he was a kid he made us all practice the safest route out of the house in an emergency."

"Ford wasn't working in the lab when the accident happened." Professor Edwards said. "I mean he was in the lab - actually he was in my office, entering data."

"Then how is he here?" Adam asked gesturing toward the closed door where his brother lay.

"Some students were given permission to complete an experiment. I wasn't aware of it. I wouldn't have allowed it. Apparently, a graduate student had given them permission and let them into the lab. I'm truly sorry, Mr. McFadden. I wish that I had . . . I had left less than hour before the accident occurred. I told Ford to go home; that he could finish the work tomorrow, but . . ."

"Ford doesn't like to leave things unfinished. He'd rather get it done right then and there." Adam said with a heavy sigh.

Professor Edwards nodded his head before continuing. "There's a glass window that separates my office from the lab itself, and Ford's desk faces it. He was standing right there when the explosion happened, and all the glass . . ." The older man shook his head.

"I've seen him. I knew about his eye, but I didn't expect so many cuts and . . ." Adam turned his face away. "Were others hurt?"

Professor Edwards' eyes grew wide. "That's just what Ford asked - in the ambulance." He shook his head in amazement. "No. Well, just minor ones. The two freshman working on the experiment were thrown backwards and away from most of the glass. One has a broken wrist, and they both have minor cuts. I can't tell you how sorry I am."

Adam said nothing for a long moment, studying the floor beneath his feet. His shoulders were slumped low, and he shook his head slowly from side to side.

"Wrong place. Wrong time." Adam muttered softly. "Same old. Same old."

"Pardon?"

"Nothing. Family luck, I guess." Adam rubbed his face with his hand. "What were they . . . never mind. I probably wouldn't understand it anyway. They shouldn't have been doing what they were doing, right? And they messed it up - whatever the experiment was, right?"

"Ye - es. That's right."

Adam stood slowly. "Well, they've got him sedated. He is in a lot of pain. They won't know about his eye for a few days. Too many cuts - that's what they said. And I drove - I don't know anymore all night? Maybe all day?" He hesitated. "Do you know where I can find a pay phone. I gotta call my wife. She's worried sick and . . .I gotta tell her something."

"Yes." Professor Edwards rose quickly. "Right down this hallway, but my cousin is a doctor here. Let me take you to her office. You can use her phone and have some privacy."

"Thanks."

***7***

"What about the others - the one doing the experiment - were the hurt?" Hannah's voice was quick and sharp.

"No. Nothing important." Adam responded quickly. "Baby, what time is it? I can't even . . . shouldn't you be asleep?"

"It's 7:30."

"Night or day? You can't see anything in these halls. There could be a snowstorm right outside the doors and no one would know it."

"Night. Honey, you sound exhausted. Is there some place you could lay down and rest? There has to be a hotel nearby."

"Don't start, Hannah Joy. I'm fine." He said, trying to strengthen his voice so that she would be convinced. "You got enough on your plate just now. I'm tough enough to manage."

"Telling the same old lies, Adam Jackson." She sighed, and her voice dropped to a pained whisper. "I wish I was there. How does he look? Is he in pain? Did he wake up at all?"

"No, darlin'. He's sleeping. He's got bandages covering him. The doc said he'd be by later to fill me in, but this is a big hospital and . . . I'll call you when he talks to me." He paused considering. "I'll call you in the morning, after he talks to me."

"You call me the second he's done talking, Adam."

"Be reasonable, hon. You need to sleep."

"So do you." She pointed out. "You drove for eleven hours straight, Adam."

"You are being impossible. Where's Brian or Crane? Let me talk to someone with sense. Where's Caroline?"

"I'm gonna overlook those insults because you are worried, exhausted and pretending not to be terrified for my sake. Brian's downstairs, Caroline's feeding the baby, and Crane is somewhere between here and Kansas."

"What?" Adam exploded.

"He called to tell Daniel and was worried how he would react, so he talked to Tommy first. Tommy flew him out to Kansas so he could talk to Daniel in person."

"The life of a star!" Adam said surprised.

"Who would have thought that a life of a rock star would be so much like being looked over by your big brother, huh?" Hannah said laughing wearily. "God, we lucked out!"

"I'm just hoping our luck is gonna hold." Adam said with a sigh. "I know losing an eye isn't much compared to losing him, completely, but darlin' I can't imagine it. He's already had enough come his way. I just hope . . ."

"Shhh, it'll be okay, Adam."

Adam leaned his head back against the leather chair in the doctor's office. His eyes fell on a picture on her desk - a happy couple, smiling, there arms around a small boy. He could feel all the tension in his shoulders, and he wished more than anything that Hannah were here with him. He longed for the comfort that just the soft touch of her hand brought, and he hated that he couldn't see her - couldn't tell if she was getting enough rest. He sighed heavily, and said without thinking, "Sing something, would ya, girl?"

"What?" She asked, stunned.

"Isn't that what you always do when Guthrie is sick or worried? I've heard you sing to him. You were singing to Ivy just the other night."

"Adam," She laughed. "Are you completely delirious? You've got me worried. I'll send Brian to you. We can find a way to manage the ranch."

"No. No, Brian's staying put." He sighed again. "No, I'm just . . . homesick, I guess and I can't . . . the sound of your voice . . .I'm . . ." He found he no words to express the ten thousand emotions inside his heart.

Her voice was soft at first, hesitant and unsure, but as she continued, it grew in strength. The sweetness of it filled his eyes with tears. Of course she would sing _that_ song. The first time he'd ever heard her sing it was when Guthrie was sick from that contaminated water. He'd been so miserable - in so much pain, and she had held him in her arms, singing softly. He had stood frozen, in the doorway of their room, listening, completely stunned. It must have been midnight, maybe later, and the moonlight shining through window fell over her like a halo of gold. Guthrie had somehow managed to fall back into a fitful sleep, and it was only then she'd looked up and seen him, watching her with tears streaming down his face. 

"_Adam?" She'd asked._

"_Did he ask you to sing that song?"_

"_No, I . . . my Grandma used to sing it to me. What's wrong? Did Dr. Meade call?" _

"_No. No. I . . . " He had struggled to explain it to her. "You are so beautiful. I can't even . . . you are the most beautiful thing I've ever . . ." She'd blushed then, lowering her eyes so that all he could see were her long lashes. He stepped closer into the room, crossing to her, and lifting her hand to his lips._

"_Mama sang that song." He'd whispered softly._

The words filled his heart now, just as it had then. It was the most comforting piece of music he'd ever known. He closed his eyes, ignoring that he was sitting in a strange city, in a stranger's office, and let himself relax in the warm, comforting embrace of the sound of her voice, and the warmth of her love.

_The water is wide, I can't cross over._

_And neither have, I wings to fly._

_Give me a boat that can carry two._

_And both shall row, my love and I._

Despite his exhaustion and fears; despite his worries and sense of frustration over his own helplessness, he felt a strange peace settle over him, and his mind was filled with a single image that split and morphed into two clear pictures.

A mother and child.

His mother holding him in her arms.

Hannah leaning down to kiss the soft cheek of their baby.

As the evening hours ticked away, as Ford continued his restless sleep in the grip of a sedation used to prevent his pain, Hannah's voice floated over him, and silently, Adam McFadden wept. He was much too tired to keep up his usual facade of the stoic, chiseled-jawed cowboy, and the ancient ache of homesickness for the peaceful sweetness of his boyhood overwhelmed him; he longed to be swallowed up in the safety of his mother's arms, his battle-weary heart begging for hope.


	11. Chapter 11

The next time Ford dreamed it was hot and dry. He was riding out with Evan to help Brian pregnant test the herd. The sun was blazing and it was surely late July. All he could think of was a cool glass of ice water, but Brian kept shouting orders and Evan kept telling him to wake up and pay attention.

Then voices shifted and it was Adam again.

"Wake up, buddy. Come on. Wake up." Adam's voice was gravelly and low.

Ford shifted slightly and recognized he wasn't at the ranch, but lying in a bed that felt unfamiliar. He moaned a little and tried to open his eyes, but one of them was stuck shut. He automatically reached out to claw at whatever was holding his eye closed, but a hand grabbed at his.

"No. No. Easy now, Ford. I'm right here."

"Adam?"

It was frustrating because he couldn't really see much. He squinted with his left eye and moved his head around, but then suddenly he recognized that Adam was leaning over him.

"Adam?" He repeated, trying not to sound like a scared kid.

"Yeah, Beans. I'm right here. It's okay. You are in the hospital. There was an accident in the lab. Do you remember?"

His brain felt foggy and muddled. He tried to think. The lab. He was working alone when Rebecca and her lab partner had come in to finish a project. He remembered now. He kept having to recheck his work because Rebecca was always a distraction to him. He half smiled thinking of her. Then he remembered.

"The girls? Are they alright?"

"What girls . . ." Adam rubbed his shoulder soothingly. "Take it easy, Ford."

"In the lab . . . they were working with . . . and then there was a pressure and a blast. I don't remember anything else. Are they okay?"

"Oh, yes." Adam's voice was oddly strained. "They are fine. One of them has a broken arm, but nothing serious."

"Which one?"

"I don't know." Adam sat beside Ford. "I can ask. Were they friends of yours? Did you let them in the lab?"

"No." Ford's reply was instantaneous. "That's against the rules. I don't have permission. No. Brett, one of the grad students did. He left them there too, which is unusual, but he said he had permission, and Professor Edwards had left so I couldn't ask him. They are okay?"

"Yeah." Adam said smiling slightly. "Who's Rebecca?"

"No . . . nobody, really. I mean, she's a freshman, but I helped her with her physics class and . . ."

"Oh." Adam said. "Do you want to ask about yourself at all?"

Ford could hear the edge of teasing in Adam's voice, and hurt as he was, he knew that Adam could tell he blushed when he talked about Rebecca. "Adam . . ."

Adam smiled down at him, making sure to look straight into his one open eye, and then leaning forward kissed him on his forehead. The familiarity of Adam's kiss of benediction, took him back to his earliest memories of being tucked in each night by his older brother.

"Sorry. I know you're a man and everything now, but you scared the crap out of me Ford. I'm just happy to see you with your eyes open and . . ." His voice choked up suddenly, and he cleared his throat. "I talked to the doc and you've got some pretty good cuts on your face and right shoulder. You got about fifteen stitches near the top of your shoulder and seven more by your right ear. The rest are just bandages."

"I'll have scars then." Ford let out a soft sigh.

"Hopefully, Rebecca won't mind." Adam teased.

"What about my eye?" Ford asked lifting a hand toward his face, but Adam reached for it again, squeezing Ford's fingers gently before pushing his hand back down at his side.

"That's a little more complicated." Adam said gently. "You've got several cuts in that eye. It took them a little while to . . . there was a lot of glass."

"I'll be blind?" Ford asked his voice suddenly higher. "I can't ride herd! I won't be able to see if . . .I can't cowboy for you anymore?"

"Whoa, now, easy Ford. It's okay. We don't know yet. Most of the cuts were on the periphery of your eye - not the cornea. The doc says they should heal up just fine."

"Most of them."

"There are two that they are worried about." Adam's voice was gentle and calm. "We won't really know until they bandages come off."

"When?"

"A week." Adam's answer was soft. "Then we'll see what needs to happen next. Then we'll know more, okay? But you don't need to worry about anything, okay, buddy. You just rest and get better. I'll be right here, okay? Are you in pain? Do you need anything?"

"No. I don't think I . . .could have A glass of water?"

"Water? Yeah, buddy, I can get that."

It was strange to see Adam's eyes fill with tears. Why would asking for a glass of water upset his older brother. He watched as Adam disappeared out of his line of sight, and for a moment felt his heartbeat pickup as an unreasonable panic filled him. Where did he go? Was he coming back? But before the panic really set in, Adam was back in view, a cup in his hand.

"Here, Beans, take a sip."

Adam's strong fingers lifted his head slightly and his other hand put a straw to his little brother's lips. The water was cold and good, and reminded him of those hot summer days up in the hills when Hannah would drive the jeep up to meet them with a jug of cold water and sandwiches. He could almost hear the sound of his brother's cheering as they heard the familiar triple honk of the jeep's horn, letting them know that she was on the lower access road, waiting for them. And then he thought he might be dreaming again because suddenly Daniel's face was leaning close to his.

"Little brother!" Daniel said. "You don't look so bad, pal."

"Wait, what . . ."

"Oh, I just dropped by. I don't know if you are aware but I'm kind of a big deal these days, so when I say, I got to get to LA and see my baby brother, they send me." Daniel laughed.

"Settle down, Daniel. He just woke up. He's still groggy." Adam's voice floated toward him again.

"Dad's grumpy." Daniel said with a wink.

Ford wanted to ask what Daniel was doing there. He wanted to ask how he had appeared so suddenly. He wanted to know if he was going to be blind in one eye, and if the scar was very deep, but just as quickly as he had woken up, he fell asleep again.

***7***

"You look like hell, man." Daniel said leaning against the hallway of the hospital. "You slept at all?"

"Why did you come here?" Adam asked glancing from Daniel to Crane. "You should've gone home. We are short-handed at the ranch."

"No hug?" Daniel said with a laugh, glancing at Crane who stood beside him silently. "What's the doc say?"

Adam ran a hand through his hair, and rubbed his face with his hand. "We got to wait and see." He said shrugging his shoulders. "It might heal. It might not." He glanced at Crane. "You are pretty quiet."

"Well, I'm trying to figure out how you are still standing. When did Guthrie get that call? Wednesday? It's Saturday morning, Adam. Daniel's right. You look like hell. Sit down." He put a hand on Adam's shoulder and pushed him down into a nearby chair.

"You should go back home, Crane. Brian's gonna need help. We gotta wean those calves, and it's just him and Guthrie."

"Elbow Pete, and Jimmy are helping out." Crane said shaking his head. "And somebody got in their head that you might need a hand yourself." He raised an eyebrow at Adam.

"Elbow Pete is lazy and slow." Adam complained.

"He'd be ten times faster than you, right now." Daniel said with a grin.

"Jimmy knows how to boss him, and he's scared of Brian, so that helps." Crane said. "Let one thing, go, huh, Adam. The ranch is fine. The Star here can only stay until Monday afternoon, but I can hang out for ages."

"Oh, I'm sure leaving your pregnant wife behind to take care of Ivy all alone is a great idea."

"Elizabeth can manage. Her mother is less than a mile away!" Crane looked up at Daniel. "You owe me $20."

"No, you said it would be the second thing he mentioned." Daniel said to Crane.

"It was."

"Uh, uh. Go home. Elbow Pete. Elizabeth. That's third."

"Elbow Pete doesn't count." Crane said. "Everyone knows that. It is standard betting rules in Carbon County. Tell him, Adam."

"Elbow Pete can't be a factor in any bet." Adam said and then lean forward, his elbows on his knees, his face covered by his hands. "I can't believe this conversation." He sat up. "I'll give you both twenty bucks if you just go on home."

"Twenty?" Daniel said with raised eyebrows. "Do you have any idea how much I make?"

"He's tired. Don't pick on him. C'mon, Adam. We got a hotel room across the street. Danny's gonna babysit Little Beans, and I'm gonna tuck you into bed."

"I should call Hannah."

"The hotel room has a nice private phone. Come on, old man don't be stubborn." Crane rose and stood beside Adam. "Come on."

"Yeah, okay, I guess." Adam rose slowly and turned to follow Crane who had already started down the hall, but doubled back suddenly.

"Adam . . ." Crane protested. "Don't be . . ."

But Adam wrapped his arms around Daniel who still stood in the hall watching them go, hugging his brother tightly. He planted a kiss on Daniel's cheek and said, "I don't know why I didn't do that first of all. I guess you surprised me showing up in Ford's room like that." He squeezed Daniel's shoulders and stepping back continued, "I'm grateful you are here. You call if he wakes or needs anything. He was real confused earlier, but he should be okay. Don't let him touch his face and . . ."

"Adam, come on." Crane pleaded.

"Thanks, Daniel."

"No problem, Adam. Go on, you don't want the professor to lecture you."

Reaching out, Adam patted the side of Daniel's face gently, and with a quick nod, he followed his brother out of the hospital.

***7***

Crane had literally tucked him into bed. The whole thing would have been absolutely hilarious if Ford weren't across the street in a hospital bed.

"You gonna give me a kiss, too?" Adam asked after Crane had pulled the blanket up, tucking it under Adam's chin.

"I was, but you kinda got an attitude so no kiss." Crane said laughing. He sat beside Adam on the bed. "I put the key in your jacket pocket. I'm gonna head back to sit with Ford. Take some time, okay, man? We're with him. Sleep. Take a shower. Eat. Then come back. We'll call if there's anything you need to know."

"Yeah, okay."

Crane reached out and rising, patted Adam on the top of his head. "See how easy it is to cooperate. I might just give you that kiss now."

"Go away." Adam growled.

"Night brother."

The click of the door should have been his signal to just close his eyes and sleep. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept, but he felt strangely anxious and restless. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep - at least not until he heard the sound of her voice. He reached out to the bedside table and dialed the phone.

"Adam? Has something happened?"

"How'd you answer the phone so quick? Hannah are you in bed?"

"Adam! Is Ford okay?"

"The phone is all the way in the hallway - someone always brings it to you . . ."

"You are being so . . ." She exhaled angrily. "The Schuberts gave us one of those cordless phones. They said it was an extra, but it was brand new. It was on the nightstand because I've been hoping you'd call because I was worried about Ford. Now would you please tell me what the hell is going on?"

"Yeah, I'm . . ." Guilt washed over him, and he settled back against the pillows. "I'm sorry, honey. Ford is doing okay. I talked to him. He's okay. The pain isn't bad. I'm sorry, Hannah. I can't think straight anymore. I'm really sorry."

"Crane and Daniel finally showed up?" She asked softly. "Please tell me that you are going to get some rest. I gave Crane permission to knock you out if he had to, so you might as well surrender, Adam."

"Crane couldn't knock me out. Don't be ridiculous, darlin'. How are you? How's the baby?"

"Still kicking my ribs. I'm fine. And Crane could knock you flat on your ass, right now with one hand. Please, get some rest."

"I'm in bed right now."

"Me too." She said laughing. "Too bad we are at opposite ends of California."

"Too bad." He agreed. "How's Brian holding up? How's the ranch?"

"Shut up and close your eyes." She said and the warm sound of her voice, seemed to settle his restlessness. He felt himself relaxing against the pillows.

"Tell me." She said gently.

"Mostly minor cuts. He has some stitches on his right shoulder and on his right cheek."

"Oh! Well, Evan always says girls love scars." She reminded him. "And the eye?"

"Most of the cuts were on the surface, but two of them were deeper. We'll know when the bandages come off in a week."

"So it could be fine?"

"He'll probably lose some vision, honey. The doc said it is likely."

"Oh." He wished he could see her face. He couldn't tell how upset she was from her short responses.

"It'll be okay." He tried to reassure her. _"I can't cowboy for you." _The sad sound of his little brother's voice and the instant realization that his loss of vision would change everything echoed in his ears. He couldn't bear to think of how much losing his vision would hurt Ford. He'd spent the last few days thinking of all the ways it would impact Ford's life. He hoped she hadn't.

"It would be harder to look through a microscope." She said sadly.

"_Your brother is a gifted scientist." _That's what they'd been told by every teacher from seventh grade on up. _ "I expect to be reading his papers later."_

"We don't know anything yet, Hannah."

There was so little they knew, he thought to himself. Would Ford be able to see? What would change because of one stupid grad student's mistake? Would their baby be born? Would Hannah be alright? So much seemed to hang in the air.

"Everything seems so unsure." Her voice sounded sad; lonely.

He had said the same thing long ago to another Mrs. McFadden. He remembered standing beside his mother in an empty hospital corridor long, long ago when Brian had taken a fall off his horse. His leg had been badly broken and they weren't sure it could be set. He stood worried and awkward at her side, while the doctors talked with his father. He remembered suddenly the words she had spoken to him then, and smiled to himself.

"Well, we know a couple of things for sure, Hannah Joy." He said the memory of his mother's soft, yet confident voice still ringing in his ears.

"What?" She asked him.

"The sun is gonna rise tomorrow." He said. "It always does."

She was silent for a long minute and he couldn't tell if she'd understood or not.

"And when it does," She said at last. "When the sun rises, I'll still be here, loving you."

"And praying for our boy." He added.

"For all our children." She corrected him. "You are right. There are some things that are solid and sure."

Of course, she'd understood. Sometimes it felt like she was the only one who did. He had fallen asleep seconds after they'd hung up the phone and his dreams were filled with the bright rising sun, and her smiling, as she watched Ford teach their child to ride.

***7***

It was seconds later, it seemed, that he was awakened by an instant and constant knocking. He stood groggily in the doorway of his hotel room staring at the improbable face of Tommy Noma. He blinked for several seconds trying to reconcile the reality of a famous country singer waking him up.

"Daniel's at the hospital." He managed at last wondering if he had slept straight through to Monday, but looking at the dark sky behind Tommy, he knew it wasn't afternoon, but rather predawn.

"I know." Tommy's voice was gentle and slow. "I just talked to him." The young man hesitated, and as he did, a coldness settle in the bottom of Adam's stomach.

"I came for . . ." Tommy sighed. "Adam, you need to come with me. I . . . we called in a favor and there's a plane . . . I came to fly you home."

Adam stood frozen, unable to respond, unable to move. He stood blinking at Tommy and then glanced again at the dark sky behind him.

_Hannah_

"Adam, we should go now. Right away."

Adam nodded at last and stepped back into the room, to grab his clothes, but pausing shook his head at the dark sky.

The sun hadn't risen, yet.


	12. Chapter 12

"How you feeling?" Daniel asked. "Are you hungry? The doctor said you probably would be."

"I guess so." Ford was sitting up in bed.

"I'll go tell the nurse." Daniel said, rising from where he sat in a chair beside Ford's bed. Crane who had been standing looking out the window crossed to stand beside Ford.

"You feel okay? It doesn't hurt too much?" Crane asked.

"I'm okay. Did the doctor say something about my eye?"

"No. Why are you asking? Does it feel worse?"

"You seem worried; more than before."

"No. I'm just tired I guess. Don't worry, Ford. I'm sorry."

Crane hoped his little brother wouldn't ask. He waited, holding his breath.

"Where's . . ."

"I know your eye's making hard for you to see but that Carmen is one fine nurse!" Daniel said bursting back into the room and interrupting Ford's question. Crane exhaled thankful beyond words for Daniel's timing. "I sweet talked her into a milkshake for you. Feel free to thank me."

"Strawberry?" Ford asked hopefully.

"The strawberriest!" Daniel grinned.

"Always working the angles." Crane said reaching out and squeezing Daniel's shoulder.

"If you got it . . ." Daniel responded with a wink, but Crane could see past his false cheer to all the stress underneath. He had a feeling Ford could too.

The three of them said nothing as an uncomfortable silence filled the room and Crane's eyes closed in frustration as Ford finally managed to ask, " Where's Adam? Is he coming back?"

Daniel glanced at Crane uncomfortably wondering how they were going to manage this newest crisis. Crane rubbed the back of his neck with a hand and then dropping his hands at his sides, took a step closer to his little brother's hospital bed.

"He uh, had to go back home."

"Home? He didn't even say goodbye! Why would he just leave like that?"

They watched as he realized it. His eyes shifting from stormy anger to shock and then sudden fear. They moved in then without any hesitation. Crane gripped Ford's arm with both of his, while Daniel moved to the other side of the bed, a hand on Ford's right knee.

"We haven't heard anything, yet. Okay, buddy? We just gotta hope for the best." Daniel said quickly.

"She was nearly thirty weeks. It was really close so we just have to believe that everyone is going to be fine." Crane added quickly. "We just have to wait and see."

Ford said nothing as a tear spilled out of his blue eye. Crane leaned in, kissing his forehead.

"No, crying buddy. Doc said it would be bad for that eye. Beside, it is going to be just fine. You'll be an uncle times three now! Stop crying. She'll be fine." He said trying to will himself to believe it.

***7***

The first time Adam McFadden had ever flown was in a private plane arranged by a famous country singer. It was hard to believe that a simple cattle rancher from one of the smallest places in Northern California would be travelling with Tommy Noma. He followed Tommy past the small crowd of fans who screamed and called out to him, through airport security who simply waved them by and across the tarmac to the small jet that sat waiting. A tall dark-haired man greeted them at the top of the stairs.

"We're ready Mr. Noma." He said with a nod.

"Thanks Mac." Tommy said. "I sure appreciate this."

"I had the flight booked anyway and it isn't too far off course. We've got permission to land at the Motherload Helipad at Angel's Camp. That is as close as I could get." He gave them a nod and walked forward, disappearing into the flight cabin.

"Sit down and get buckled in." Tommy said gesturing toward one of the plush leather seats. "Mac's a great guy. His cousin married Ben's sister."

Adam stood blinking as Tommy settled himself into one of the chairs. Seeing Adam's expression he explained, "Ben's my drummer. You met him at the birthday party."

"That's right." Adam responded.

"Sit down, Adam."

Adam folded himself into his seat, slowly buckling himself in. He glanced around the small cabin. There were four leather seats, a table, and what appeared to be a bar.

"I've never flown before." He explained as the plane began to slowly roll forward.

"This isn't real flying." Tommy laughed. "You're gonna have false expectations now."

"How did you . . ."

"It doesn't matter. Like I said, Mac's a great guy and we need to get you home quickly. I'm really sorry, Adam."

"Did they say anything else?"

"No. They are trying to slow the labor. Brian said the doctor told them that sometimes if they can get the labor to slow down enough, it will stop." He shrugged. "They took her to County. That's all I know."

"Brian's with her?" Adam had to shout now trying to be heard as the plane engine revved to prep for takeoff.

"What?" Tommy shouted back.

"Who's with her?"

"Brian and his wife. I forgot her name, sorry."

Adam didn't respond, as he dug his fingers into the arms of the chair as the plane tilted up and up. He swallowed hard watching the earth below drop away and he found himself at eye level with the clouds. It had been early morning as they left; dark and gray, but now as they rose above the clouds he could see the bright morning sun.

_"The sun is gonna rise." He had said. "It always does."_

_"And when it rises," She had told him just yesterday, "When the sun rises I'll still be here loving you."_

He thought of the soft sound her voice and the bright light of her smile. He found her smiles; her laughter intoxicating. She had struggled so much in the last year - grown quiet and dark. They had struggled, too. He had been helpless - unable to fix anything for her. He'd grown angry that he'd been so powerless and shame hung over him like a cloud. She'd turned away from him - trying to avoid facing her own pain and he'd misinterpreted it. He had thought she blamed him for his powerlessness, and ashamed he'd allowed her to pull away from him - hadn't fought to keep her close. She became a shadow of the girl he knew - her smiles rare and forced. Everyone in the family saw it. It was her lot to live every aspect of her life - their entire marriage -in front of his brothers. She knew they were watching her - worried. She had pasted a bright smile across her face and picked up his mantle of responsibility again, never truly allowing herself to grieve. He waited knowing her facade couldn't last.

It was a late summer day that he'd come in from the fields to an apparently empty house. She wasn't in the kitchen, or the laundry room. He'd gone upstairs but hadn't seen her there either. The jeep was still out front and he decided to go out back to check the garden. He had turned the corner of the house to hear the sharp crack of the ax and found her chopping wood, red-faced and angry. He stood still as she lifted a new piece of wood onto the old stump and brushing a strand of dark hair away from her face, lifted the ax high above her head cursing angrily as the ax came down and the split wood cracked apart falling to the ground. He was stunned.

She rarely cursed and even when she did it was a reluctant "damn" or "hell" or an occasional "ass" - as in, "Adam, try not be such a jackass." But this, this - stopped him in his tracks. She was furious. He'd never seen such anger from her. This was rage. He hesitated unsure, but his heart ached; ached that she carried this well-spring of anger inside her. He moved forward just as she swung the ax again another expletive falling from her ruby lips. Her eyes grew wide at the sight of him and she dropped the ax in surprise. It landed in the dirt with a thud. They stood blinking at one another and a lone tear rolled down her cheek. He stretched his hand out to pull her to him, but she spun on her heel and ran.

He followed, chasing her across the dirt driveway that split their property and across the meadow. He could outpace her easily but he held back, letting her run as much as she wanted. She began to slow at the edge of the meadow, right where the ground began to climb into the lower hills and he caught up to her, his hand reaching for her arm. She fought against him, trying to spin free, but he pulled her to him. She began to swing at him then, her small fists beating a steady rhythm on his shoulders.

"God dammit! Adam! Let me go!" She said angrily. "Let me go!"

But he only pulled her in tighter.

"Please! Just let me go!" Her fists stopped but she stood rigidly in his arms, her muscles so tight that it felt like he was hugging steel to his chest.

"No." He said softly, keep her close. "No."

"Let go!"

He kept his arms tight around her, but took a half step back from her so he could see her face. Her stormy eyes were filled with tears and the anguish etched across her face caused him to draw in a deep breath in shock.

"Oh, baby." He said softly, reaching a hand to her cheek. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

She bit her lip and tried to pull away from him one last time. "Please," it was an anguished plea now. "Please, just let me go, Adam."

He shook his head, his thumb rubbing her cheek gently.

"No, darlin'. No." Tears choked his voice. "No more running."

She met his eyes then and he realized suddenly that she hadn't really been looking him in the eye for months now. She held his gaze, all her defenses dropping away. Her muscles loosened and she folded herself into his arms, as sobs racked her tiny body. He lifted her into his arms stunned by her lightness. How hadn't he noticed how much weight grief had robbed her small frame? He cradled her in his arms, sitting in the long, golden waves of the meadow, rocking her back and forth in his arms. After she'd wept for what seemed like hours, he'd held her even still - finding solace in her nearness.

"I can't find my way back." She said at last. "I'm so sorry, Adam. I keep trying but . . ."

"You . . . you," he had found words nearly impossible. "You don't spend one second apologizing, Hannah Joy. I'll take you just as you are. You don't ever have to pretend with me. I love you and I'm always gonna, girl. Always."

Her soft sigh of relief nearly shattered him and he'd risen with her still in his arms and carried her home. He carried her up the steps and inside, past a startled Evan and Brian. Brian opened his mouth to ask but Adam had shook his head and simply continued up to their room; their tiny private island amidst his sea of responsibilities that constantly pulled him from her. He kicked the door shut and settled her on their bed. Silently, he had removed her boots, tucking her under the covers. She had slept for fourteen hours straight and he'd spent much of that time simply watching her, praying without saying any words.

His brothers had all disappeared without any explanation. Brian had left a two word note: _Back Monday._ It had been three days of just the two of them. He hadn't done one ounce of work. He'd seen his brothers in the barn from the kitchen window but hadn't even gone out to check in with them or explain. He devoted those three days to her alone. He'd listened as she'd talked, held her as she wept and whispered every secret he had left. On the second afternoon she had laughed - a real honest-to-God laugh, and he'd found himself fighting tears so grateful for the sound of it.

"What?" She asked, a smile still on her lips.

"I haven't heard your laugh in so long." He had said, turning his face away to hide the lone year he'd been able to stop.

She had sighed heavily. "Oh, Adam. We'll have laughter again. I promise it."

The golden afternoon light drew pretty shadows over her features and her soft smile - so genuine and sweet - overwhelmed him. He'd leaned forward kissing her. They made love in front of the fire on the sofa - for the first time in ages without any expectations or plans. He simply wanted her to understand they he loved her completely. Afterwards, she lay quietly in his arms and he'd felt perfectly at peace.

She'd told him she was pregnant two weeks later. She had come out to the barn where he was brushing out Chief. Her soft words hung in the barn and he studied her face trying to read her mood.

"You and me will be good no matter what falls our way." She said at last.

"You and I." He corrected as her face stretched into a smile.

"I set you up, sweetheart." She said kissing him. "I knew your opinions about grammar would overpower your worry."

He reached out holding her face in his hands, marveling at her strength. "I'm the luckiest man that has ever lived." He kissed her already desperate and begging God for this one dream to come true.

***7***

". . .should be about twenty minutes." Tommy's voice cut into his memories,

"Oh, uh, good." He said realizing that Tommy had been talking to him all along.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't listening, I guess." He shrugged apologizing.

"Nah, don't worry about it." Tommy said waving a hand at him. "I can't imagine you can think of much else, right now." He sighed. "I've never been lucky with love, myself."

Adam nodded his head as Tommy gazed out the window. "_My_ wife wasn't too interested in being married."

"You were married?" Adam asked surprised, grateful for the distraction.

"Two years." He shook his head. "Life on the road is pretty tough on relationships, and I was drinking then. I guess it was your stereotypical rock star story - too much fame, too young. I guess it is why I feel so protective of your little brother."

"I can't tell you how much we appreciate that." Adam said. "Even if Daniel doesn't."

"One of these days, I'm going to be playing for him, so maybe my kindness is just self-preservation. Then again, maybe I'm just scared his big brother would snap me in half if I let anything happen to him."

"Me?" Adam laughed, surprised.

"You kind of have that mountain man intimidation factor." Tommy said with a grin. "I just play country songs - you are the real thing."

Adam shrugged. Hannah had told him the same thing - that people found his silences intimidating. He'd never really thought about it. But then again, he hadn't had time for introspection.

"What was your wife's name?" He asked suddenly curious.

"Melanie." Tommy said. "We sat next to each other in sophomore English. Her hair was the color of wheat in the winter, and fell to her waist. I wanted more than anything to make her happy, but never could."

"A man will do a lot to make a girl happy." Adam said thoughtfully.

Tommy turned from where he'd been looking out at the blue sky beyond the plane window. He raised an eyebrow at Adam in surprise. "Your wife's about the happiest woman I've ever met, Adam."

"Well, . . ."

"No, man, trust me. Living the life, I live, you learn really quickly to spot the difference between real and fake. And you and her, that's about as real as it gets - anyone can see it."

"I don't know about happiness though . . . seems lately all I hand her is heartache."

"I imagine it must feel that way, but that's 'cause you're too close to it. I'm an outsider. That girl is happy. She smiles every single time she sees you."

Adam nodded. "I hope there'll be smiles when she sees me this time."

Tommy said nothing, but turned to gaze back out the window again. "We're getting ready to land."

***7***

Brian met him at the door of the hospital.

"Caroline's upstairs with her. They've been trying to slow the labor, but it isn't working. Dr. Roberts got here about an hour ago. He's prepping a delivery room." Brian spoke rapidly as he led Adam to the elevators. "She's doing okay, Adam."

"What happened?"

"Early this morning she went into labor. I drove her straight here - it was faster than waiting for the volunteers to get it together. Guthrie called them, and I figured if they were hell-bent on bringing her in they could meet us on the road. It seemed better than waiting."

"Thanks, Brian."

"Just in there." Brian said pointing to a room as they stepped off the elevator.

He stepped into the small room. She was propped up in bed, and Caroline stood beside her holding her hand. Both women were staring at the monitor.

"That's good. See, it's easing off now. Relax." Caroline said. She looked up and saw Adam standing and a smile spread over her face. "Look who made it after all." She gestured toward the doorway, and Hannah turned her face.

"Adam!" Her face spread into a smile and Adam had to laugh, shaking his head remembering what Tommy had said. He crossed to her, reaching for her hand, and kissing her cheek.

"The lengths you'll go to in order to get me to come home." He said trying to lighten the tension he felt.

"Nothing but drama." She agreed, but her eyes filled with tears. "I'm so . . ."

"Twenty-nine weeks and three days, Hannah. You did pretty damn fine, so don't you dare apologize." He said kissing her again.

"Might actually be thirty weeks, and three days." Dr. Roberts said stepping into the room. "Welcome home, Adam." He stretched his hand out to shake Adam's. "How's your brother?"

"He's doing well. He gets the bandage off in couple of days, and then we'll have a better idea." Adam said. "What do you mean thirty?"

"Calculations are based on the size of the baby and it's development." He shrugged. "Sometimes we're wrong." He turned to Hannah. "How are you feeling?"

"A little irritated that you didn't mention this before." She said gritting her teeth as a fresh wave of pain hit.

"Fleet of clay." He said smiling at her. He glanced at Adam. "What do you say Mr. and Mrs. McFadden, you ready to meet this baby of yours?"


	13. Chapter 13

It wasn't as if Adam had never witnessed a new creature draw it's first breath. He had just turned four when his father awakened him on a cold March morning so he could witness the birth of a foal. He'd spent his entire life helping the sheep or the goats or a sow deliver - not too mention calving season on a cattle ranch.

But this was like nothing he'd ever experienced.

For one thing it was Hannah; his dearest friend - his own sweet wife. She was infinitely strong he knew that before, but now! He had no words to express his admiration. And they hadn't prepared for birth at all. They hadn't discussed it or read any books. The scars of three miscarriages (four really) were this: you didn't dare prepare for delivery. They hadn't discussed breathing techniques or epidurals. They hadn't talked about focus points or coaching styles - hell, they hadn't even discussed names; Hannah just couldn't manage it.

He was overwhelmed by it all. Already exhausted by his brother's injuries he found himself ushered into a room with his wife, Dr. Roberts and two nurses with Hannah at the center. He realized he had no clue what he was doing or supposed to be doing. He held her hand in his offering meaningless encouragement - recognizing that this battle was hers alone. She never shouted or cried out but the grip of her fingers was a vice, grinding the bones in his hand to dust.

It was a bizarre situation - part of him kept thinking that. She was surrounded by strangers exposed and vulnerable and it felt wrong somehow. And then suddenly Dr. Roberts was saying, "We can see the head now, Hannah. That's good! Now push!"

Adam's eyes grew wide as he turned from Hannah's face. He could see it. Their baby. And then amazingly, miraculously there was a tiny person - a brand new life right there in that room. Something they'd made together. The baby arrived silently at first, and was so small - smaller than he remembered his niece, Ivy ever being - 1/2 the size of Brian's son Jack who'd weighed in at nearly nine and a half pounds.

All time stood still as the tiny baby slid into the world. The small mouth opened into a perfect O and then he watched as his child drew in a deep breath - the first breath of life and then the most beautiful sound of all - an angry cry.

He wept for joy, amazed and overwhelmed. It was a matter of seconds but was a lifetime long.

"Adam?" Her voice was frightened and unsure.

"It's okay." He said as the doctor lifted their child up so Hannah could see.

"It's a girl!" Dr. Roberts said and they carried her across the small room, the nurses working swiftly. They cleaned her, weighed her and measured her before wrapping her snuggly into a blanket and laying her on Hannah's chest.

"Oh! Is she . . . She's so tiny! Is she okay?" Hannah's arms wrapped protectively around the small bundle.

"4 lbs, 15 oz and 18 inches long." Dr. Roberts said coming to stand beside them. "We are going to check her out completely but she looks pretty healthy to me." He smiled. "Congratulations McFaddens. Happy birthday to your little one."

"Thank you, doc." Adam said hoarsely, his hand resting on his daughter's tiny back.

"Oh, Hannah did all the work." He turned from them and moved to a nurse who held a clipboard open for him to sign.

Adam turned back to Hannah. Her hair was disheveled, her face pink, her eyes bright with joy. He kissed her and then leaning low, kissed his daughter's head for the very first time.

"She's so perfectly beautiful." He said. "You did great, Hannah. You are already such a good mother to her."

Hannah blushed and smiled up at him with tear-filled eyes. "The sun rose just like you promised."

He nodded his head and leaning in kissed her again. "It always does, Hannah Joy. It rises with you. You are the sun."

She laughed at this, and then said, "What are we gonna do? We didn't pick out any names!"

"Seems like a pretty serious oversight now, doesn't it?" He said with a grin. The pain of her fears - their fears - already receding slightly as he looked down at their tiny victory.

Following family tradition she would be a "K" but he wasn't sure how he felt about that tradition. His mother had been Kate - Kathleen. He smiled down at Hannah who was grinning from ear to ear, and then at the small bundle in her arms, his heart bursting with joy. He leaned forward kissing Hannah again and leaning close to her, brushed his fingers over the downy softness of their baby daughter's head.

"I love you, Hannah."

The words seemed entirely too small to encompass all he felt, but they were all he had.

***7***

"A girl!" Guthrie fairly shouted into the phone.

"A girl?" Daniel repeated. "And she's okay? Hannah's alright, too?"

"Yep. I just saw them. Hannah's crazy happy. The baby is small, but healthy. They had to help her with her lungs for a little bit, but she's doing great now, and the doc says that she's perfectly normal."

"Oh, Guthrie!"

"I know! You should see them. They are so happy."

"What's she look like?"

"A baby." Guthrie replied.

"Guthrie!" Daniel protested. "We are all the way over here! C'mon, help us out."

"She looks like Hannah - same nose, but her hair is red."

"Red?"

"Well, more brownish red, I guess."

"Like Mama!" Daniel said reverently. "Aww, I wish I was there!"

"How's Ford, anyway?" Guthrie asked.

"He's doing great. They are going to take the bandages off tomorrow or the next day, and then we'll see how his eye has healed. He was really anxious about Hannah and the baby."

"We all were. It was pretty scary, but it turned out just fine." Guthrie exhaled feeling a long-forgotten peace settle in his chest.

"Take pictures and then you can send them to me." Daniel said.

"You gotta get back on the road?" Guthrie asked.

"Yeah, I already missed two concerts, but Tommy's real understanding. I have to go back tonight." He sighed. "I miss home sometimes, Guth."

"Yeah." Guthrie agreed. "Brian's got that camera. I'll take tons of pictures."

"Wait, you didn't say what they named her."

"They haven't yet." Guthrie laughed. "They are pretty unprepared for parenthood. I guess she was too anxious to think of names. We've been scrambling around getting things ready for them. Thank God, Caroline and Elizabeth know what to do!"

"That's pretty funny. Of all the people on the planet, you'd expect the two of them to be the most prepared parents ever."

"Well, grief can chip away at a few things, I guess."

"Not grief any more." Daniel responded cheerfully.

"No way." Guthrie agreed.

***7***

Adam sat in the chair that he pulled up close to Hannah's bed. She sat in the bed, her head down with the baby in her arms. He watched amazed as Hannah fed the tiny baby. It was as if she'd been a mother her whole life, and he wondered at it - how she knew what to do. She was humming softly as her hand brushed back and forth over their tiny daughter's cheek.

"You look exhausted, honey." Hannah said glancing over at him. "And I'm not sure how I feel about that beard."

He rubbed his chin. "I think it makes me a believable cattle rancher." He grinned at her. "I'll get around to shaving eventually. You've kept me kind of busy, darlin'."

"Not me. Your daughter."

He felt his face split into a wide smile at the word.

"Our daughter." He corrected. "So, what are you thinking? Bertha? Gertrude?"

"Adam!" She shook her head at him. "I don't know. She'll be stuck with it her whole lifelong. I wish I'd spent time thinking about it before now."

"I know." He rose and leaned over the two of them, rubbing his hand along her tiny back, the other hand resting on Hannah's shoulder. "The ABC thing - that was my parent's idea, and I always expected to follow it - except . . ."

"What?" She looked up surprised.

"I don't know." He sighed. "I've inherited so much that is theirs already. And this," He paused, leaning low to kiss the baby's head. "This is ours, Hannah. Yours and mine. No one else's."

She considered this thoughtfully, and looked up at him before responding.

"Adam Jackson McFadden, Jr. breaks from tradition?"

"Adam Jackson McFadden, Jr. makes his own traditions." He clarified. He bit at the corner of his lip. "I was thinking . . ." His voice was soft at first, but grew in strength as he continued. "I was thinking we could name her Joy."

Hannah's eyes welled with tears as she studied him. He was the very portrait of a rugged cowboy - especially with the beard, but she could see the kindness, and softness that his chiseled features hid. She could feel the warmth of his love and compassion which radiated out of him like the sun.

"_The sun rises with you, Hannah." _He had told her._ "You are the sun."_

She realized that he was right. They were the sun to each other. She gazed down at her daughter. Joy.

"Joy McFadden," She said to her. "That grizzled looking cowboy is your daddy. You wouldn't know it at first glance, but he's the sweetest man, you'll ever know. He's gonna keep a close eye on you, your whole life long, and no one on this earth loves you more than him."

"Besides your mama." Adam added with a grin. "She's the sweetest girl you'll ever meet, and you are the luckiest little girl on this wide earth because you've got the best mama." He sighed contentedly as her tiny hand wrapped tightly around his outstretched finger.

"Welcome to the family, little Joy. We are so glad you are here."


	14. Chapter 14

_County General_

_Maternity Ward_

Guthrie set the glass of water on the table next to Hannah and gazed down at his niece. He reached out and ran a finger along her cheek.

"She's so small." He remarked for the hundredth time.

"She'll grow." Hannah said smiling at him. "Wanna hold her?"

"I don't know . . ." He replied nervously.

"Oh, come on! You hold Ivy and Jack all the time. It's just the same."

"No, it isn't Hannah. Joy is different. She's special." He blushed as he said it, with downcast eyes.

"I know, Guth." She said warmly, reaching out to squeeze his hand. "Here."

He took the small bundle from her, gazing at his niece's face. He stood beside the bed, as Hannah lifted the glass, drinking the water and watching Guthrie. Just then the door to the room opened and Adam stepped in.

"I thought you were sleeping." He immediately accused.

"I woke up." She answered, rolling her eyes at him. "And hello to you too."

He grinned sheepishly, and leaning over the bed, gave her a kiss. "Sorry, hon."

He sat beside her on the hospital bed and looked up at Guthrie.

"So, what do you think? Should we keep her?"

"She looks just like Hannah." Guthrie remarked.

"Thank God for that!" Adam said cheerfully, kissing Hannah's cheek. "Did the doc come by?"

"Yes." She said. "Everything is going great. They are releasing me this afternoon." She bit her lip. "They think we can take her home in a couple of days, and until then, he arranged for me to have a hospitality room. So, I'm released, but not going anywhere."

Adam studied her thoughtfully. "You could go home and get some real rest."

"No." Her response was firm. She glanced over at Guthrie. "Is it ready?"

"Yep. In the truck and all ready." He crossed over to her, and carefully handed the baby back to her. "But I don't think it's gonna work."

"What are you talking about?" Adam asked with raised eyebrows, but they ignored him.

"Don't underestimate me, Guth." She winked at him. "What about Brian?"

"Yep. All set, but too chicken to come up." Guthrie grinned.

"Guthrie James McFadden, bravest man on earth." She said laughing.

"Oh, no. I'm leaving." He said. "You are on your own, Hannah."

"Coward." She said shaking her head at him.

"Damn straight."

"What are you talking about?" Adam demanded.

"Just a second, Adam." She said impatiently. She turned back to Guthrie. "Are you coming back? 

"When it's safe." He told her. He walked to the door, but paused with his hand on the door handle. "There's a Burger King up the street. You want a milkshake?"

"Oh! Yes! Vanilla?"

"Anything for you." He grinned at her.

"Except stay here and back me up." She laughed.

"A man has his limits!" He laughed. "See you later, Mom."

"What's going on?" Adam asked again.

"Oh, well . . ." She began. "Listen, don't say anything until I'm done talking, okay?" She glanced at her husband nervously.

"What?" He sat up and turned so he sat facing her on the bed.

"Brian is downstairs, and Guthrie packed up some food for the two of you. If you leave pretty quickly you should be in San Diego by nightfall."

"No." He said sternly. "Absolutely not."

"Adam . . ." She sighed. "Listen, Joy and I are fine. All we do is sleep and eat. There's nothing you need to be here for."

"Oh, that's nice!"

"You know what I mean! Don't be a jerk. You have to go there. They are taking the bandages off day after tomorrow! What if he can't see? What if they have to do another surgery? We can't leave him all alone!"

"He isn't alone. Crane is there. Hannah, you can't expect me to . . ." He sputtered irritated.

"Adam, you aren't just her father, you know that." She glanced down at Joy who was sleeping contentedly in her mother's arms. "And I'm fine. They are releasing me. Evan is coming home, and you can send Crane back. Caroline and I can manage things just fine - and Elizabeth needs Crane. You know how difficult pregnant women can be!" She raised her eyebrows at him.

"Hannah, I don't . . . How am I supposed to just go away?" His shoulders slumped resigned.

"Poor Adam." She said reaching out and brushing his hair back from his forehead. "Always torn in thirty different directions." She smiled sadly at him. "But you know, I'm right."

"Yeah." He agreed grumpily. Sighing deeply, he reached out and lifted Joy out of her mother's arms. "Well, little Girl, Daddy's gotta go look after one of your uncles. It won't be the last time, either, I'm sorry to say. You stay here with your Mama and keep a close eye on her. Try to save anything amazing for when I get back." He leaned close kissing her red lips. "Don't forget about me either! I'll be back just as soon as I can." He looked over at Hannah who watched him with shimmering eyes, and a warm smile.

"Stop it." He said, clearing his throat.

"Tough guy." She said laughing, and brushing a tear from her cheek. "Do you think they'll let you bring him home?"

"It depends. If he doesn't need any surgery." He sighed, looking down at Joy again. "Sweetheart, I don't want to leave."

"Well, that's good news." She said stretching out her arms to take the baby from him. "We'll be right here when you get back. I promise it." She paused thinking. "Well, actually, we'll be home, waiting for you!"

Reluctantly, he kissed Joy again, and then handed her over, rising and taking Hannah's hand. He sighed looking down at him. "Alright, I guess I better . . ." He paused shaking his head. "Damnit, Hannah."

"Language, please." She said automatically.

"Sorry, I just . . ."

"I know." She squeezed his hand. "Go on, now. Brian's waiting, and try not to take your anger out on him. Be nice." She smiled at him. "I love you, Adam."

"I love you, too, Girl." He replied huskily.

"Go on, now. Bring our son home, and call me, please?"

"Of course." He sighed again, and leaning over kissed Joy once more. As he rose, he paused so his face was inches from Hannah's. "You get some rest, hon." He said softly, looking deeply into her dark eyes. "You know I _never_,_ ever_ wanna be away from you. I love you." He kissed her and then moved quickly to leave, but paused at the doorway. "You take care of yourself, alright? I'll miss you." He added before leaving. "I'll miss my girls."

***7***

Brain paced beside the truck. It had been a good twenty minutes since Guthrie had emerged. He knew Adam was gonna blow his top when Hannah told him. They had talked about it yesterday - just hours after she'd given birth, she was worried and planning to take care of Ford. He turned and paced back toward the truck, his back toward the front door of the hospital. He really ought to go upstairs. It was damn unfair leaving a woman who'd just given birth with his brother's temper. Adam had a heart of gold but his temper . . . it was legendary. He recognized he was being a coward, and made the excuse of not wanting to intrude on their privacy - which was a joke. The one thing Hannah McFadden had _never _had was privacy.

The doors of the hospital burst open and Adam stormed out. He glanced around briefly and then seeing Brian and the truck turned stomping toward him.

"Get in." He barked. "You're driving. I'm too pissed off."

"Got it." Brian said fairly running to climbing into the cab. Adam climbed into the passenger seat.

"Look, Adam. . ." Brian began, hoping he could come up with something to assuage Adam's anger.

"Shut the hell up and drive." Adam said.

"Yep." Brain said turning over the key, as the truck sputtered to life.

"God dammit." Adam mumbled as they pulled away from the hospital.

Brian said nothing. He wasn't dumb. He planned on keeping his mouth shut the whole way.


	15. Chapter 15

Brian McFadden moved rapidly down the long hospital hallway, two cups of coffee in his hand. He paused outside the familiar door to Ford's room and recognized he'd have no way to open the closed door with the coffee in his hands. He glanced around hoping for a shelf or table, but the stark hallway offered no solution. He hesitated, considering setting one cup on the floor, but something about touching any surface in a hospital gave him the shivers. He wasn't too great at hospitals in general. Frustrated, he tapped the door with his foot.

"Hey, Adam, open the door, man."

The door swung open and Adam stood in the doorway with an irritated grin on his tired face.

"Did I wake you brother?" Brian asked as he handed a coffee to Adam, stepping into the room.

"Nah, I gave up sleep weeks ago." Adam said, accepting the cup and following Brian back into Ford's room.

"Good. You are prepared. You're a dad now. Sleep is a thing of the past." Brian settled into the chair under the window of the room.

"Mr. Expert." Adam said wryly as he settled back into the chair beside Ford's bed on the opposite side of the room.

"I got months on you." Brian said grinning. He took a sip of coffee, and then slumped down in the chair, his head resting on the chair back. "What time is it? Is it morning yet?"

"Nope." Adam glanced at Ford who stirred in his sleep but didn't waken. He pulled the blanket up over Ford's shoulder. "Still can sleep through anything." He said with a reflective smile.

"'Member that bad storm during roundup?" Brian asked laughing.

"Oh, Lord!" Adam shook his head. "Cattle freaking out, Daniel getting hysterical, the tents are blowing just about everywhere, and there's Ford - sleeping like a baby!" He laughed, and then paused thoughtfully, "Maybe his niece will inherit that skill!"

"Oh, you wish!"

The brothers lapsed into silence in the dark hospital room. Neither could sleep - too worried over Ford's future and what the morning would bring. Brian considered the dim outline of his older brother across the room, trying to remember the time when they were two carefree boys wildly exploring the edges of their father's ranch. It was a lifetime ago. Some days he felt twenty years older than his actual age. He knew Adam felt the same way. They'd joked about it constantly when the boys were small.

He set his cup on the windowsill beside him, and folded his arms over his chest. He had hoped that the days of worry and struggle were far behind them; the boys were grown. He had his own family now and yet - here he was again - waiting through a long dark night with his brothers - clinging desperately to hope.

***7***

"You need anything?" Caroline McFadden asked as she stepped into the living room where her sister-in-law, Hannah sat on the couch nursing Joy.

"If you hand me that glass of water, I'll love you forever." Hannah said with a grin.

Caroline smiled and crossing the room handed over the glass, sitting down in the chair across from her.

"You think her hair will stay red?" Caroline asked.

"I don't know." Hannah considered. "Their mom had auburn hair."

"What about your mom?"

"Oh, well, I'm not actually sure." Hannah said laughing. "I thought she was a dark blonde, but then when I got older, I realized she'd been dying her hair! I never asked her." She shrugged. "My dad's hair was the same as mine."

Caroline nodded, surprised to hear Hannah mention her father so casually. She'd never really heard her talk about her family.

"My dad's hair was white by the time he was twenty-five. I sure hope Jack takes after his father."

"Not too much." Hannah said with a wink. "Don't take it the wrong way, but your husband's got a stubborn streak."

"They all do."

"Well," Hannah considered. "I guess it was a survival skill."

"No doubt." Caroline glanced out the window into the dark sky. "You talk to Adam?"

"Yes. About an hour ago. They doctor will be there around nine or so." She sighed, rubbing gentle circles on her daughter's back. "I wish . . ."

"I know."

"Four years ago I didn't even know him. But now . . .I can't explain it. I know it must seem ridiculous but they are my brothers; my boys. And I can't bear to think of him hurt and scared and . . ." She swallowed hard as tears blurred her vision. Caroline crossed to the couch sitting beside Hannah. She wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"He'll be okay. He's strong and can manage whatever comes his way."

"I'm sorry! I'm so . . . My hormones are all out of whack."

"Don't apologize. You just had a baby and I know how worried you must be. Hopefully, everything will be okay and Ford will be home soon."

"Oh! I hope so!" Hannah said softly.

"He will." Caroline tried to sound confident.

"But when he comes home and we see him again, will he be able to see us?"

Caroline didn't respond. It was a question without an answer.

***7***

Marley James glanced across the table at Guthrie McFadden. His head was down, his beautiful hazel eyes hidden from her. She watched his long lashes as he studied his physics book. She glanced around the library. It was nearly empty.

"Hey, Guth, aren't you hungry?" She whispered.

"Lemme finish this last problem." He said without looking up.

"We are the only ones here."

"Mrs. Kenny is here."

"Besides the librarian." She shook her head, trying not to be annoyed with him. "Come on. Let's get out of here."

Finally, he looked up at her, and grinned. "Okay."

They stepped out into the late afternoon sunshine, and he reached for her hand. She squeezed his fingers.

"Aren't you anxious to get home and find out?" She asked him.

"I don't know." He replied hesitantly.

He was the same way with his college acceptance letters. He had the letter from UCLA for four days before he'd opened it. It drove her crazy.

"He's probably fine. Let's go home and find out. Come on." She pulled his hand toward the jeep.

"I thought you were hungry. We could get something at the cafe."

"No. Quit stalling." She smiled at him. "Guthrie . . ."

"It could be bad news. You know it could be bad news."

"It could." She agreed soberly. "But avoiding it won't kept it from being bad. Besides, it _might_ be good news."

"I guess."

"Joy is probably awake." She said trying to tempt him. He was crazy about his little niece and she knew it was the easiest way to get him to consider heading home. "I don't have to come along. You can drop me at my house if you'd rather it just be family."

"No. I want you there." He said pulling her closer and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"Good." She kissed his cheek and then breaking away from him, climbing into the jeep. "Let's go." He stood where she'd left him, frozen. "Come on! I'm waiting!"

"You know, you are kind of a high maintenance girl friend." He said shaking his head and finally moving to climb into the driver's seat.

"Good." She said with a grin. "Then we are a matched set."

***7***

Adam was stiff and sore. Neither he nor Brian had slept much. Every time he drifted off, a new thought would pop in his head. _Being blind in one eye would make it unsafe for Ford to be around the cattle or horses alone _or _Ford might have to take a semester off or even a year to adjust to his new vision. Ford hated falling behind in school._ And just when he would manage to get his thoughts and worries about Ford under control, he would think of Hannah and Joy; his daughter. He'd called her around seven that morning, and it had only made his desire to be with her even stronger. He hated that they were separated during Joy's first days. It looked like Hannah and Joy would be heading home by the afternoon, and he felt conflicted. He was grateful that in spite of everything, their daughter was healthy and ready to go home, but broken-hearted that he wouldn't be there to show her the Circle Bar Seven for the very first time. He had always pictured them walking up the porch steps together - a child in their arms, and now he wouldn't be there to see it.

"You didn't eat much breakfast." Brian's voice interrupted his thoughts and he turned from where he'd been gazing at the window to look over at Brian who stood beside Ford's bed.

"I'm not really hungry." Ford answered. "Too nervous, I guess."

Brian nodded his head, and squeezed Ford's shoulder. He glanced over at Adam. "That's okay, partner. The food here isn't too great anyway."

"Yeah," Adam said crossing over to the opposite side of the bed. "But the question is which is better - hospital food or Brian's cooking?" He winked at Brian.

"Well, Brian's cooking has improved a lot. If you had asked me that about seven years ago, I'd say hospital food, but not now."

"There's hope for everyone." Brian said with a self-deprecating chuckle. "If I can learn to cook anything is possible."

"What time is it?" Ford asked, too distracted to truly join in with his brothers' teasing.

"9:15. Don't worry, pal. Doc will be here soon enough." Adam said encouragingly.

"I'm sorry about all of this, Adam. You should be home with Hannah."

"Don't apologize. This isn't your fault! Hannah's fine, and soon we'll take you home and you can meet your niece."

"Tell me what she looks like again." Ford said relaxing back against the pillows.

"She looks like Hannah, but her hair is red. Right now her eyes are a bright blue - just like you and Crane, but we have to wait and see if they change. And she's really small - smaller than Ivy was. She's really beautiful." He was surprised to find himself getting choked up just talking about her.

Seeing his discomfort, Brian cut in. "I am just thankful to God that she looks like Hannah. Can you imagine some poor girl looking like Adam?"

Adam shook his head, grateful for Brian's intervention. "Now, it makes sense that we had a boy! Who wouldn't want to look just like me." He stuck out his chin, and then offered his profile to his brothers. "This is what you call good-looking fellas."

"Give it a rest, Brian." Ford responded. "Everyone knows that Crane's the handsome one."

"Oh, yeah? That skinny professor? He's just lucky Elizabeth took pity on him. Besides if he's the handsome one - then what am I?"

"Stubborn." Adam said with a laugh.

"Yeah, and you're the cranky one." Brian countered.

"What about me?" Ford asked.

"Oh, that's easy, little brother, you are the smart one!" Brian said.

"But don't get conceited, Ford. You are just the smart one by comparison. Consider who they are measuring you by and you'll see, it sure ain't much." Adam added.

They were all laughing over this when the door swung open, and the doctor stepped into the room at long last saying, "Alright, we ready to take those bandages off?"


	16. Chapter 16

They had moved to a small examining room which was nearly dark. Ford didn't know what to expect, but had determined that whatever came his way, he would be strong. Adam and Brian had been through enough and he was nineteen years old. He wasn't some weak crybaby.

The light hit his eyes even before the last bandage was off. He knew the room was nearly dark and yet, after all those days in darkness, the light seemed piercingly bright. He tried to look around, his head already beginning to throb.

"No. Sit still." The doctor told him. "You need to give yourself time to adjust. We are going to wait about fifteen minutes before we even consider examining your vision. Your eye needs to adjust. Listen, even if you had perfect vision, it would be blurred after several days of being closed." He rose. "You wait here and don't try to read anything. Just wait. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Sure. No problem." Ford said sarcastically after the doctor left.

"Does it hurt?" Adam asked concerned.

"Can you see us?" Brian asked.

"Brian!" Adam admonished.

"It doesn't really hurt. I just got a bad headache! It seems so bright in here."

"And . . ." Brian pushed.

"I see two big blurry blobs. I'm assuming that is you guys."

"He said not to try and . . .just wait Ford. Give it time."

***7***

"Adam! It is nearly noon! Why didn't you call? You haven't been with the doctor this long!" She paused as panic set in. "Oh, God! Is he back in surgery? Is that why you didn't call?" She began to cry.

"Honey, no. Calm down. Hannah? Listen, Hannah, calm down." But all he could hear was the sound of her crying.

"Adam? What the hell man? What's going on?" Crane's voice cut in. He'd been standing beside Hannah, and took the phone from her as she began to cry, one arm wrapped protectively around her, as she wept into his shoulder.

They had all been hanging around the old farmhouse all morning. Crane, Elizabeth, Caroline, and Evan who'd come home. Daniel was on the road and Hannah had sent Guthrie to school pointing out that whether or not Ford could see wouldn't change because he'd skipped trig class.

"I'm sorry!" Adam said, a horrible feeling settling into his gut. "Let me talk to her. I didn't get a word in edgewise. She just kind of blew up."

"Well, Jesus, Adam! We expected a call hours ago, and she gave birth five days ago - her hormones are going crazy! You can't just . . .what about Ford? What's going on?"

"Let me talk to her. Jeez, I feel awful. Where is she?" Adam continued.

"Adam! What about Ford?" Crane shouted into the phone.

"Oh, sorry. I'm sorry." Adam repeated. "Wait, okay. Just give me a sec. I can't . . ."

Crane struggled to keep from yelling again, understanding that Adam was under a ridiculous amount of stress and had been for weeks now. He drew in a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He glanced at Hannah who had calmed some. Caroline put an arm around her and carefully led her away from his arm, and guided her to the couch. Elizabeth moved to stand beside him, her arm wrapped around his waist.

"Ok, Adam. Take a minute. Hannah's fine. She's sitting down, and Caroline's with her. Can you tell us what's going on with Ford?"

"Yeah." Adam cleared his throat and began slowly.

Hannah could finally focus in again. As soon as she'd heard Adam's voice, she'd completely fallen apart. She had been keeping herself together, all morning long, but just couldn't manage it anymore. She glanced up trying to determine by Crane's face what Adam was saying. Crane just kept nodding his head and saying, "Uh, huh."

She was shocked when Crane said, "Okay, then," and hung up the phone.

She rose angrily. "Crane! Wait! I wanted to talk to him! Why did you hang up the phone?"

"Sorry, honey. I wasn't thinking and he . . ." He turned toward her, his arms outstretched.

"Something terrible has happened!" She lifted a hand to cover her mouth. "What did he say?"

"Crane, what is going on? What about Ford?" Elizabeth said angrily. "You are scaring everyone!"

"Hannah, nothing terrible has happened. Sit down, okay." He turned toward Caroline. "Come on, everyone sit down. Where is Evan?"

"He had to go check on that bull." Caroline answered. "Crane, quit stalling."

"I'm not stalling. I just . . ." He took in a deep breath, looking at the three women who sat huddled together on the couch. He sat down on the coffee table. "You aren't going to like this."

***7***

"What the hell do you mean he didn't tell you anything?" Guthrie was furious.

"Guth, listen - none of us are happy about it." Hannah said gently.

"It's ridiculous! Are you actually gonna tell me you talked to him and he wouldn't tell you anything?"

"No. He talked to Crane. I couldn't . . ." She swallowed hard trying to keep herself calm.

"No! He told you and you won't tell me! I'm not some stupid kid! You've gotta stop babying me, Hannah!" He turned and stormed down the front steps.

"Guthrie!" Marley called after him.

Hannah threw up her arms and sunk down on the couch, covering her face with her hands.

"I told you, Crane!"

Crane sighed and crossed to where she sat. "I know, honey. I'm sorry but you know how stubborn Ford can be. They'll be home tonight."

"I know, but I'm sick of waiting! I'm sick of stubborn cowboys who won't even . . ." She rose up suddenly, her fists clenched at her sides. "Why can't one damn thing roll easy around here, huh?"

Crane looked up at her unable to respond. He was completely shocked. He'd never known Hannah to complain - not once. He rose slowly trying to determine what he could say to her, but even before he reached out to put his hands on her shoulders, she had relented.

"I'm. . .I'm sorry, Crane. I didn't mean to . . . it isn't your fault." She shook her head. "I'm just as bad as Guthrie - yelling at the wrong person." She glanced over at Marley who stood wide-eyed in the corner of the room. "Marley, can you go upstairs and watch Joy for me? I'm gonna see if I can talk to Guthrie." She reached out a hand and patted the side of Crane's face. "You should have gone to check on that bull, and then poor Evan would be suffering my unjust wrath instead of you."

"Don't worry about it, Sis." He said kissing her cheek. "I know how Mamas can be. If he won't listen to you, you send him to me. I'll talk some sense into him."

***7***

Guthrie felt like an idiot. He was so ashamed to have blown up at Hannah - and in front of Marley, too. He immediately regretted it. He could tell by the hurt look in her eyes that his words had devastated her. But he was so frustrated. He'd spent the whole day waiting and worrying and then when he finally came home they told him that Adam and Brian were bringing Ford home - and that Ford, himself, wanted to tell them his news. He tried to convince himself that the only reason Ford would want to deliver the news is because it was good news. But he recognized that Ford had always been a really responsible and straight-forward kind of guy. If there was bad news, he wouldn't want anyone else to have the burden of delivering it. The only relief that Guthrie felt was the news that there wouldn't be another surgery - the only piece of information that Adam had delivered.

He kicked at the dirt with the toe of his boot, recognizing that he ought to go inside and apologize to Hannah but couldn't imagine facing her or facing Marley; he was too ashamed.

"Guthrie!" Evan's voice caught him by surprise. He glanced behind him to see his older brother emerge from the barn.

"I hurried back as fast I could! Did Adam call? What did he say?"

Guthrie shook his head in frustration. "No surgery." He offered.

"That's good. What about his vision?" Evan asked cheerfully.

"We don't know. Adam didn't say." His response was terse and filled with all the anger he felt.

"What? Why wouldn't he . . ." Evan's face grew dark. "What the hell, man?"

"They are bringing him here. They'll be home around ten, and Ford wants to tell us himself." Guthrie offered flatly. "And _everyone _is mad as hell about it, so don't pile on."

"Adam didn't tell Hannah?" Evan's eyes grew wide as Guthrie nodded. "Jesus! Well, listen, when they split up, I say we keep her and kick him out! What the hell! We got wait another ten hours so Ford can make some sort of dramatic . . ."

"Don't yell at me!" Guthrie responded angrily. He shoved Evan away from him in frustration, and Evan immediately shoved him back. He was just lifting his arm to swing back and hit his brother, when he saw Hannah running down the back steps towards them.

"Knock it off, Evan. Here comes Hannah!"

"Good, she can clean up your cuts!" Evan said pushing him again.

"Knock it off!" Guthrie repeated, giving his older brother a hard shove away from him. "She's mad enough. I sort of chewed her out."

"You've just been all around stupid today." Evan glared at him.

"Stop it!" Hannah said as she skidded to a stop between the two of them. Her arms were outstretched and she gripped each of them on the shoulder. "We got enough going on around here without you two fighting!"

"I'm sorry, Hannah." Evan said stepping back and looking down. "I just couldn't believe that . . ."

"None of us can." She said interrupting. "But we've waited for the past few days, a few more hours won't kills us."

"You are sticking up for him not telling us?" Evan asked her with raised eyebrows. "You can't be too happy with him, Hannah."

"I'm not." She answered sharply. "But he isn't here and there's nothing I can do but wait. Unless, you got some secret way of communicating with him while he's driving?"

"No." Evan answered. "I'm sorry, Hannah. I'm just . . . frustrated, I guess."

"Me too, Evan." She sighed and shaking her head, relented. "I cooked up a batch of chili if you are hungry. And I'm working on a roast for tonight."

"Thanks. Sorry, Guth." Evan said and with a nod at them ran toward the house.

Hannah turned toward Guthrie who was looking down at the tips of his boots.

"You wanna yell at me some more?" She asked him.

"No, ma'am." He said quietly.

"Good. I'm about worn out from folks yelling at me, Guthrie James. I don't control your brother. He makes his own decisions."

"Well, this one sucks." Guthrie said looking up at her.

"I'm not disagreeing with you, Guth." She answered sharply, but waved a hand at him dismissively, and turned away to walk out toward the meadow. "Forget it. Marley's upstairs watching Joy."

Guthrie watched her leave, and sighed heavily. He should have apologized to her. He should have been kinder. No doubt she was just as frustrated as him - probably more so. Crane had said that Adam hadn't even really talked to her. He felt terrible. The whole day beginning to end was really starting to suck. His shoulders drooped and he turned slowly toward the house. Part of him thought he ought to go after her, and beg her forgiveness, but part of him was still frustrated and angry - and as unfair as it might be, she was lumped in with his anger at Adam. He walked up the steps slowly and found Crane waiting at the door.

"Where's Hannah?" Crane asked him.

"Walking." Guthrie answered.

"You apologize to her? It's not her fault Guthrie, and you were pretty mean."

"I don't know, sort of I guess."

"Sort of? That's no good. She's really upset. You turn right around and . . ."

"Crane, leave him be." Elizabeth interrupted gently. "He's upset too. We all are. Ivy's playing in the living room. I'll go find Hannah." She paused to squeeze Guthrie's shoulder as she passed by.

"Thanks." Guthrie said as she walked out the door. "She was walking out toward the meadow."

"You are lucky the women in this house fall for those puppy dog eyes of yours." Crane said. "You better go talk to Marley. She's plenty stressed out."

"I'm sorry, Crane, alright?" Guthrie said exsasperated. "I know I screwed up, okay?"

Crane watched as Guthrie went up the stairs. He sighed and went into the living room where his daughter sat on a blanket playing with a set of plastic keys. She looked up at him and smiled. _At least someone is happy._ He thought, lifting her into his arms.

***7***

The truck rolled to a stop but Adam hesitated. He knew everyone was mad at him; especially _his _everyone. He'd called home when they'd stopped to eat and the icy sound of Hannah's voice had sent a chill down his spine.

_"Well?" Brian had asked when he returned to the table._

_"Oh, she's pissed." Adam said._

_"Yeah." Brian said. "You know what Caroline said?"_

_"She doesn't curse does she? Because I can imagine her telling you to go to hell."_

_"Just about. She told me that she hoped the old pull-out bed by the stairs still worked."_

_"Leave space for me."_

_"I'm ready." Ford said as he walked back to the table with one hand out to steady himself. "I only got lost twice!"_

_Neither brother had wanted to let Ford go to the bathroom alone but they hadn't wanted to insult him either._

_"Let's go then." Adam said rising._

_"Time to face the music."_

Adam sat frozen, his hands gripping the steering wheel.

"What are we waiting for?" Ford asked.

"Courage." Brian said and reaching over he squeezed Adam's shoulder. "Come on big brother, either way at least you know you won't sleep alone."

"Silver lining, I guess." Adam sighed and then stepped out of the truck.

Everyone was waiting in the front room and all of them ran to hug Ford. Adam stood awkwardly just inside the door, his eyes on Hannah.

"Where's the baby?" He asked anxiously.

"Upstairs asleep." Her response was short and he swallowed his disappointment. It was shocking that after just a few days, his arms ached to hold his daughter close.

"You can bring her down." Hannah said, her tone softening.

"I don't want the shouting to wake her." He said.

"Adam!" Hannah shook her head at him. She turned back to Ford. "Sit down, Ford. Now, for pity sake, tell us about your eye."

"I'm sorry." Ford began. "I just . . . I figured if you could be looking at me when we talked about it, you wouldn't worry as much."

"So you let us worry for an extra ten hours?" Hannah pulled Ford into a tight embrace. "Ford Michael! I've been so worried. We all have!"

Ford nodded and glanced around the room at his family. His right eye was covered again - the doctor insisted that he keep it covered. He knew the sight of his face which was scratched wasn't very reassuring. He sighed.

"I can read the first line of the eye chart." He blurted out. "Well, mostly."

"The top one? Or the bottom one?" Evan asked.

"The top one, Ev." Brian answered for him.

"Oh! Ford!" Hannah exclaimed. She reached out and rubbed his shoulder. "Is it permenant?" She glanced up at Adam.

"They don't know." He said sighing and sitting on the arm of the couch. "It could get better."

"It could stay the same." Ford finished. "It's really okay, Hannah." He offered weakly. "I mean it could have been much worse. I had turned so the glass hit my right side. If I hadn't I could be completely blind. And I'm sorry for today. I guess we should have just told you over the phone. But I just wanted to be home so badly. I didn't want to spend hours talking on the phone with everyone. I just . . ." He glanced over at Adam finding it suddenly difficult not to cry. "Go get the baby, Adam, please! I want to see her."

"Sure pal." Adam said reaching out and squeezing his shoulder. He took the stairs two at a time and swung open the door. He stepped back stunned and overwhelmed to see the crib beside their bed. He crossed the room and gazed down. His eyes filled with tears as he peered into her tiny face; her pink lips pursed in sleep.

He bent low and lifted her into his arms. She was so small, he could almost hold her in his hand, but didn't dare. She was too delicate; far to precious. He kissed her soft cheek, sitting down on the bed briefly.

He could hear the voices downstairs over the baby monitor, but didn't really focus in on the words. Hannah was furious with him, Ford possibly blind in one eye, and he had no idea if his ranch was falling apart or not, but listening to his baby daughter's contented sigh, none of it seemed to matter.

The sound of Ford's voice caused him to shift his focus back to his family gathered downstairs. He could hear his little brother trying to comfort his wife.

"Hannah, it's gonna be okay. Whether I can see or not, I'm gonna be okay. I'm a McFadden and God made us strong."

Adam laughed to himself remembering all the times he and Brian had told their brothers that.

"I know, Ford. It just hurts me to think of you having to be strong. I want things easy and smooth for you boys. I want you standing in pool of sunlight." Hannah's voice was faint over the baby monitor.

"Well, Hannah," Ford said surprising Adam completely. "The sun is gonna rise." He promised. "It always does."


	17. Chapter 17

Ford McFadden removed his Ray Bans from his face and shaded his eyes. The sun still felt blindingly bright even after two weeks. The Ray Bans had been a gift from Daniel who had returned home on a break between shows.

"Here." He had said, tossing them at Ford. "You might as well look good. You represent the family name."

The glasses were the most expensive piece of "clothing" he'd ever owned. He knew that Guthrie secretly coveted them. He had caught Guthrie putting them on more than once. The glasses helped with the brightness, but they didn't improve his vision one bit. He returned from the mailbox slowly, holding the mail in his hand. He had to move slowly to avoid falling or missing a step on the uneven ground. He hated how pathetic he had become.

He wasn't technically blind, but found losing most of his vision in one eye devastating. The list of things that had become ridiculously complicated was too long. He was trying to have a positive attitude about it, but it was hard to make losing a semester of school into a joyous occasion. He tried to keep his depression private, but he knew that his parental threesome was watching him like hawks searching for a meal. The worst part was that it was actually hard for him to know when they were watching them. If they stood to his right, he literally couldn't see them.

He still had to wear a patch over his eye for at least three hours each day. Next week, it would be two hours and soon that humiliation would be gone. But with or without the patch, he struggled with depth perception, and found reading nearly impossible.

He had initially tried to blow it all off. His second day home, he'd pulled out one of his books and tried to read, but found he couldn't. He'd sat there with the damn book in his hand staring and fighting tears when he realized how hard it was to read. He had been reading his whole life. He couldn't remember a time when he didn't read. It felt like he had always, always been doing it - and now a stupid accident had robbed him of even that simple pleasure. Crane had offered to read his assignments to him, but he had shook his head slowly, too defeated to even try. That's when he had gone to Adam and told him that he had decided to take the rest of the semester off.

"I think it is too soon for you to make that kind of decision, Ford." Adam had responded gently.

"Time won't make a difference. I'm too far behind already to catch up."

"They'll give you time, Ford. It wasn't your fault that you weren't in class."

"They can't do that. I've missed lectures. I've missed labs and tests." He shook his head. "It is impossible, and I might as well admit it now. I'll take the spring semester off, and then see what is next."

"You are going back." Adam's voice was stern.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"You aren't dropping out of school." Hannah's voice startled him, causing him to jump.

_Ah, hell! How long had she been standing beside him! He had wanted to talk to Adam alone. Hannah would only get upset. She had only just relented in her anger against Adam for the whole homecoming disaster._

"I thought I was talking to Adam." He said stiffly, recognizing how rude he sounded.

"I'm sorry, Ford. I thought . . ."

"Damn it, Hannah! I can't see you when you are on my right side! How many times do I gotta say it!" He felt an unreasonable anger.

"Honey, I'm sorry."

The softness of her response only intensified his anger. He had cursed at her. He had been rude. She should be furious with him. She should correct him - she would have in the past, but now she was filled with pity for her poor, pathetic, blind brother.

"I guess we ought to get me a little white cane, so you can remember!"

He stormed out of the house, or tried to, but he had to go slowly down the steps. His lack of depth perception made stairs difficult. He found going up and down them absolutely terrifying. He glanced over his left shoulder only after his feet were firmly planted at the bottom of the stairs and saw that they hadn't come after him. _Good! _He thought bitterly. _Everyone can just leave me the hell alone._

***7***

Hannah stood frozen unable to move or speak. Ford had never been rude; never disrespectful. He was known as the McFadden boy who actually had good manners. She glanced at Adam who leaned heavily against the kitchen counter behind him.

"I should go after him." He said after a long silence.

"No. At least not to yell at him. He is angry. I can't blame him." She said shaking herself out of her stunned stupor. "Everything has changed for him."

"I know, darling, but it doesn't give him the right to . . ."

"Adam, he can't finish this semester." She said moving closer to him. "You know that, right? There's no way. We can't send him back to school. How would he get to and from his classes? How would he navigate a crowded hallway alone?" She reached up to put a hand on his arm. "Adam, he can't read."

Adam turned his face from hers, unwilling to see her tears. He clenched his jaw - his face set in tight, controlled line. They said nothing. How could he respond to her? What could he say? If he told her that she was wrong or that it wasn't true - he'd just be lying. He swallowed hard trying to find a way out of the conversation; a way out of the room.

The sound of Joy crying came over the baby monitor, and he was overwhelmed with thankfulness for her interruption.

"I'll get her." He said abruptly and fairly ran from the room.

***7***

It wasn't as if Daniel was expecting a party when he returned home, but he found the entire mood of the Circle Bar Seven depressing. Ford was cranky. Adam was cranky. Brian was cranky - hell, even Crane was irritated. Guthrie and Hannah were mirror images of sadness. And all of it was ridiculous because in the middle of all the drama was his beautiful newborn niece. He could have laughed at the irony - in the center of their darkest days was Joy.

He sat now on the old worn couch, his feet up on the coffee table his eyes surveying the room. Guthrie sat at the table near the window, bent over his textbook. Adam sat at the opposite end, filling out some paper work. He glanced over at Hannah who sat to his left, feeding Joy, a blanket over her shoulder.

Evan had gone back on the circuit and wouldn't be home for another three weeks. Daniel would be back on the road by then - and looking at the current state of affairs, he couldn't wait to leave. It was too depressing here.

Ford sat to his right doing nothing. Normally, if he were home, he would be at the table next to Guthrie working on some project or assignment. Daniel nudged his shoulder.

"This place is duller than dirt. What do you say you and me go into town and look for women?"

"No." Ford said listlessly.

"We could go see who's playing tonight?"

"It's Wednesday. It's Cliff's band."

"Oh, Lord! He's still playing? Why do they let him?" Daniel shook his head. "We could go and boo when everyone is clapping."

"No, thanks anyway." Ford said. "Maybe I'll just go to bed."

"It's 7:15!" Daniel's voice rose in pitch. "You are nineteen - not ninety-one! C'mon man! Let's go have some fun!"

Ford rose slowly, shaking his head. "I got the vision of a ninety-one year old, Daniel. So it is just about the same thing."

They all silently watched him as he slowly, very slowly made his way upstairs. Daniel glanced over at Hannah.

"Sorry." He sighed. "I thought I could . . ."

"It was a good try, Daniel." She offered generously. "He's having a hard time and I'm not sure how to help him." She shifted the baby, straightening her shirt, and removing the blanket. Joy, dozed contentedly against her mother's shoulder. Daniel couldn't stop himself from smiling.

"I wanna hold her." He said rising. "Let me have her."

Hannah's smile was bright. "She just ate. She might wake up and spit all over you."

"I don't care. It doesn't look like I'm going out tonight anyway." He stretched out his arms, and she passed his niece to him.

He smiled down at her and held her warm body against his chest. She was so tiny; so much smaller than Ivy or Jack. She was the tiniest baby he had ever seen. At nearly three weeks she had nearly gained half a pound and hopefully would soon tip the scales at six pounds. He settled back down on the couch looking into her face.

"We should be celebrating." He said trying to keep his voice soft. "I mean this a real live miracle, and we are all so . . . not that we should be celebrating his accident." He looked up hoping that they'd understood him.

"I know what you mean, Daniel." Hannah said.

"We take what life hands us." Adam said philosophically, settling back in his chair and looking over at Daniel. "Joy is all the happiness in the world, and Ford - well, seeing him struggle breaks my heart."

"Well, now I'm depressed." Guthrie said, shaking his head at Adam. "You think he won't be able to ever go back to school?"

"I don't know, Guth." Adam answered honestly. "I'm no fortune teller."

"What are we going to do if he doesn't? What are we going to do if he can't?"

Adam's eyes widened at the questions, and Daniel could see a darkness fall over his older brother. He glanced back down at Joy trying to think of someway to bring the conversation back to happiness.

"That's enough, Guth." Hannah said intervening quickly. "Go easy, huh? We are all trying to find our way here."

"I guess. I was just hoping he . . ."

"Guthrie, you are too old to think Adam's got all the answers." Daniel interrupted, surprised by his little brother's seeming naivete.

"Oh, that's enough." Hannah said rising. "We can't start turning on each other now. McFaddens have to stick together - come hell or highwater. Now, what do you say you boys help me cook up a double chocolate cake - that just might lure Ford back down stairs."

"Sure." Daniel rose and crossed to follow her into the kitchen. He paused beside Adam, who held out his arms for Joy. He reluctantly handed his niece over, but figured Adam could use the comforting closeness of his little daughter. "C'mon, Guth." Guthrie rose and they followed her into the kitchen, knowing full well that it would take a hell of lot more than Hannah's double chocolate cake to cheer up Ford.

***7***

Hours later, Hannah McFadden rolled over in bed and whispered softly to her husband, "Adam? Adam are you awake?"

"I am now." He whispered back.

"What are we going to do?" She kept her voice low.

"About what? And why are we whispering?"

Hannah glanced over her shoulder at the crib. "She finally fell asleep. You wanna wake her up?"

He grinned at his wife. "You finally decided to stop being mad at me."

"No, I didn't." She replied stubbornly. "I'm just distracted by other problems, but thanks for reminding me."

"Hannah, you aren't being very fair. He was desperate to be home; _desperate_. I'd spent - I don't even remember anymore how many days - worrying over him and worrying over you two! I was exhausted and he looked at me with great big puppy dog eyes - actually ONE great big puppy dog eye," He sat up on his elbow, raising an eyebrow at his wife as he pointed this fact out. "And begged me. He begged me, honey. 'Please Adam, please I just wanna go home.' You tell me what you would've done."

"I would've agreed with him, and called you when he was asleep or eating and told you everything."

"You liar!" He said laughing at her. "You would not! You are ten times worse than me when it comes to them - especially Ford! You would never promise one thing and go behind his back!"

They heard a snort and snuffling sound from the crib and both froze, waiting to see if she would awaken. Silence settled back over the room, and Hannah let out a sigh of relief.

"Don't get me wrong, Adam. I love being a mom, but getting your daughter to stay asleep is an all out battle." She whispered.

"My daughter?" He smiled at her.

"Oh, yeah. Which one of us has the rowdiest relatives?"

He shook his head at her and leaning closer, kissed her. "I'm glad you aren't mad at me anymore, darlin'."

She ignored this and repeated softly, "What are we going to do?"

Adam sighed heavily and rolled over onto his back. He lay back, his head resting on his arms, staring at the ceiling. "I don't know."

"He's so depressed and it isn't like he doesn't have a reason. And every time I reach out to him, he just pushes me away."

"He's angry. It's hard when something hurts you that you had no control over; that wasn't your fault, but because of it everything has changed. One person makes a dumb choice and you are the one who pays the price. It is hard not to be angry over that."

Hannah sat up, leaning on her elbow to peer down at her husband. Adam wasn't a man for digging deep into his past or into his feelings. Every now and then he would open a window into his past; into the dark days that must have left him shattered. Her own eyes were already full of tears before he began to speak. She brushed tears off her cheek.

"Adam . . ." She said gently, at a loss for words. He glanced at her, and gave her a soft grin.

"You big baby." He teased gently. "It's fine honey. I'm not angry _now_." He reached out squeezing her arm gently. "After a while you realize that being angry is pointless. It won't change anything - except you, and you've been changed enough." He rubbed his forehead, sighing. "I guess we just have to give him time. He's got to work through it, and find a new way to live."

"He can't give up on college."

"No, he can't, but he might for a time, honey. Pressuring him won't help if he does make that choice. He was wounded and he needs time to heal. We both wish we had the power to grant him instant healing, but we don't."

"I just want to fix it for him somehow!" She said her eyes filling with fresh tears. "It breaks my heart to see him so hurt."

Adam said nothing, but reaching out pulled her close so that she rested her head against his shoulder. "Hannah Joy McFadden, I love you, and our boy is going to be alright."

She said nothing for a long minute simply comforted by being held in his strong arms. When she finally spoke her voice was soft and hesitant.

"How can you know he'll be okay, Adam? Sometimes things don't work out. You know that."

He sighed and considered thoughtfully. "I don't know. I guess it's just because I'm old so I can think of the long view. Mama and Daddy getting killed - there's not one damn good thing in that, but if things had gone differently, I don't know where I'd be today. I don't know how things would've been between me and my brothers. Maybe these arms of mine would be empty right now - and where would you be? And what about Joy?" He kissed her forehead and continued. "It isn't like bad things turn good. I guess it is more like no matter what you find your way back around to good again - and when you do, you appreciate the good all the more." He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. It just takes time, I guess."

"'All things work for good'" She quoted thoughtfully. "And Ford is strong. He'll find his strength again."

"Yeah." Adam agreed. "He's had some pretty great examples of rising above difficulty."

"He has." She turned and smiled at him. "His big brother has done a pretty fine job of showing him that."

Adam laughed softly, "I was talking about you sweetheart."

Speechless with surprise, she was unable to respond, which was just as well because his kisses made speech impossible anyway.

***7***

It was two days later that Hannah McFadden, exhausted and somewhat disheveled, swung open the front door to an unexpected visitor. Joy had decided to spend most of the night awake. She had fussed in her crib, and then when Hannah had leaned over the crib at about three in the morning, had watched her mother with wide, alert eyes. Hannah had taken her downstairs - grateful that it wasn't the old days with Brian and Guthrie sleeping in the living room. She clicked on a lamp and spent most of the night waiting for Joy to decide to sleep. It was hard to be irritated with Joy. She cooed and smiled at her mother, and only fussed whenever Hannah attempted to put her down. She gave up any attempts at trying to go back to bed.

Adam found them both asleep in the big oversized chair when he rose at five in the morning and sent his two girls back up to bed. Hannah had just snuggled down under the warm covers when Joy decided she was hungry. Hannah sighed recognizing it was going to be a very long day.

It was mid-morning when the doorbell rang, startling her. She was in the kitchen with Joy sleeping in the nearby portable bassinet that Brian had brought over the day before. She glanced down at Joy, who was sleeping peacefully, and reluctant to leave her alone, she lifted her into her arms and went to the door.

"Howdy, ma'am. I'm looking for one good woman."

Hannah blinked surprised to find Tommy Noma standing on her front porch, a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

"I . . .I . . .I . . ." She responded flustered, and blushed as she realized she was a complete wreck. Her hair a disaster, her left shoulder smelled like baby spit-up, and she was pretty sure that neither of her socks matched. "Mr. Noma!"

He glanced behind himself, and then sighed dramatically. "You scared the devil out of me. I thought my father was standing behind me, _Mrs. McFadden_!"

He emphasized her name heavily, and she chuckled relaxing, remembering how much they had all enjoyed his company last Easter when he'd come home with Daniel. He'd only stayed for the day - leaving to meet up with his sister in Colorado, but they'd had a pleasant afternoon showing him the ranch. She stepped back with a nod to welcome him inside.

"You better call me Hannah." She said. "I'm sorry. I'm a little out of sorts today. This one here has got her days and nights mixed up."

"Well, I'll call you Hannah if you call me Tommy." He said, offering her the flowers. "Congratulations."

She accepted the bouquet, and turned to put them on the table, patting Joy's back absently. Joy stretched and yawned, her tiny fist darting in the air.

"Well, she's tiny!" Tommy remarked. "Looks like she's got a big old mop of hair, like her uncle." He reached out to touch her tiny fingers.

"Daniel's out with Adam separating the calfs. They'll be bringing them in by this afternoon. Do you need him? I've got a walkie-talkie for emergencies."

"Oh, no. Daniel invited me to come and visit, but from the look on your face, he never mentioned it to you." He blushed embarrassed. "I'm awfully sorry for dropping in on you like this."

"Oh, nonsense!" She smiled warmly at him. "There's always room for one more around here. Now, if you follow me with those flowers, I'll see if I can't find a vase." She turned to lead him into the kitchen.

"I'd rather carry that little girl, if you don't mind."

She grinned at him, and handed Joy over. He lifted her delicately out of her arms. "Oh, she's a pretty little thing."

"Where were you around three this morning!" Hannah said with a laugh. "You hungry? We've got some leftovers from last night."

"Oh! Yes, ma'am! I still think about that Easter dinner you fed me! We don't get food like that on the road, and I can't cook worth a da -" He stopped himself. "Pardon me, I'm not that good a cook." He corrected.

"You should make Daniel cook for you. He's not half bad." She said opening the refrigerator.

"Really?"

"Survival skills." She said smiling as she set a container on the counter. "They all can cook; some better than others, but they can at least feed themselves."

"Hannah!" Tommy turned his head as Ford stumbled into the room, his foot catching on the door frame. "Dammit!" He muttered.

"Hey there Ford." Tommy said cheerfully.

"Mr. Noma." Ford said, stunned to find the singer in his kitchen. "I didn't know . . ."

"Your brother invited me, but somehow forgot to tell any of you about it. I think Daniel might be in pretty deep with your sister-in-law." Tommy said raising an eyebrow at Hannah.

"Oh, don't worry about it!" Hannah said waving a hand at him. "The one thing I've gotten used to is surprise."

***7***

Adam felt like he were stepping onto the set of one of the romantic comedies that Hannah was always dragging him to, when he walked in his front door to discover, his wife rocking their daughter to sleep in the a rocking chair, while Tommy Noma played a lullaby on his guitar. He hesitated, his hand still on the front door, and recovering himself said, "Well, it looks as if I've been replaced."

Hannah laughed, but Tommy looked stricken and rose quickly. "I . . . Daniel said that . . ."

"Adam Jackson . . ." Hannah admonished. "You know you intimidate him!"

"I do not!" Adam said stepping into the room.

"He does not!" Tommy said.

"Honey, you can't say things like that Tommy is a star!" Adam teased, crossing the room and sitting on the edge of the chair. He gazed down at Joy who had fallen contentedly asleep in her mother's arms. He glanced at Tommy who stood awkwardly. "You come to fly to some other disaster?"

"Nope." Tommy said relaxing a little. "Daniel invited me out for a few days but it seems he might have . . ."

Just then the front door swung open, and Daniel entered. "Adam, I swear, I don't know why we keep those goats! They are stubborn as the day is long and . . ." He looked around the room, his eyes growing wide at the sight of Tommy.

"Yeah, I think he might have forgot to mention it to you." Tommy finished with a grin. "Hey, Daniel. Thanks for inviting me out here."

"Yeah, well, I . . ." Daniel turned a deep crimson. "Hey, uh, Hannah I was thinking . . ."

"Oh, shut up, Daniel." Hannah said laughing. "It is your house too!." She rose slowly. "I'm gonna go put her down, and you two are gonna play me my song." She grinned. "I figure a private concert is the least you can do for me."

"Yes ma'am." Tommy said. As she went up the stairs, Tommy turned to Daniel and slammed him hard in the arm. "Nice going, genius!"

"Ow!" Daniel said, stepping away from Tommy. "You gonna just let him beat up on me?" He asked Adam who sat smiling and watching.

"Well, hell, Danny, you're a grown man. 'Sides, I intimidate, Tommy here so I gotta be extra careful." He winked at Tommy and punching Daniel's other arm, followed Hannah upstairs.

***7***

The impromptu concert was slightly less than private. Crane and Brian brought their families over, and Guthrie smuggled Marley into the house, who stared at Tommy with wide-dreamy eyes. She was unable to utter a single word to him, which Guthrie found both hilarious and irritating. It was truly a concert anyway. It was pretty much a typical McFadden evening with everyone singing and playing - except Ford. He refused to even take his fiddle out of the case. He tried to fawn it off as being shy - he never really enjoyed playing in front of strangers, but Daniel knew it was deeper. He tried to push it a little, but didn't want to embarrass Ford in front of everyone.

And even Ford's depression was no match to a lifetime of singing with his family. He might not have grabbed a guitar or fiddle like he usually did, but it comforted Daniel to hear his brother's sweet high voice joining in with the family. He remembered what Brian had always said to him when he was being stubborn, "You can't fight gravity." He glanced at Adam, and could tell by his brothers relaxed shoulders that Tommy's visit, might be just enough distraction to shake everyone out of their funk. He stood beside Ford, after the singing was over, handing him a cup of hot chocolate - Hannah's cure for everything. Ford ignored the outstretched cup, and it wasn't until Ford walked straight into the mug, spilling hot chocolate all over himself and Daniel, that he realized why.

He'd been standing on Ford's right side.

"Ah, dammit, Daniel! Why don't you watch where you are going? Jesus!"

"I'm sorry, I . . ." Daniel didn't know what to say. It wasn't like Ford to blow up like that.

He watched as his brother stormed out of the room, muttering angrily. "How many times do I got to say it! I can't see you if you are on my right side!"

"Ford!" Adam said angrily. 'You can't just blow up like that!"

"Leave it alone, honey." Hannah said soothingly.

"I don't care what's going on with him! He can't just be rude like that!"

Daniel glanced at his older brother, his mind distracted by something else. "It's okay, Adam. It isn't a big deal." But inside he was thinking, _I can't see you if you are on my right side!_ A strange idea began to bubble inside him. He glanced at Tommy with a mischievous grin. He smiled in spite of the circumstances.

He always felt better when he had a clear plan.


	18. Chapter 18

Daniel sat on the couch playing his guitar. Everyone was out. It had taken great effort on his part, but he had finally convinced Adam and Hannah to take Joy into town. The afternoon church social was a perfect opportunity for them to show off their little girl, but they were reluctant - knowing Ford would refuse to go. He had forgotten that Hannah was much less likely to fall for his doey-eyed pleading, and Adam was completely immune to his manipulation. He had to work an entirely new angle. Most people did what he wanted. Crane pointed out to him long ago, that just because people fell for his big-eyed, innocent grin, didn't mean he should take advantage. His looks and his charm worked on nearly everyone he met; except his family.

In the end, it was Joy that helped him. He pointed out that Hannah hadn't had the chance to show her off to her friends. He figured the church social would be perfect - it was in the afternoon, they could leave whenever they wanted and it would be filled with just about every single person who lived in Murphys. It could be Joy McFadden's introduction to her small world.

Now, he had the house nearly to himself, and he was working relentlessly trying to get Ford to do something beside sit around feeling sorry for himself.

"Hey, Ford!" He hollered up the stairs, pausing in his playing. "Ford? Come here a sec."

"What?" Ford said standing at the top of the stairs.

"C'mon brother, I need some help."

Ford made his way down the stairs, muttering as he did. It pained Daniel deeply to see his little brother so angry, and bitter. Ford had always been cheerful - both he and Guthrie were two of the happiest kids he'd ever known. He supposed their contentment was proof that his brothers were more than capable of raising their little brothers. Guthrie and Ford had grown up with a relatively happy childhood. And maybe that is why Ford struggled. In spite of everything, he really hadn't had to face hardship until now.

"What is it?" He asked.

"I'm working on this piece, but I need to hear the harmony. Grab your fiddle, man." Daniel said without looking up at Ford. He studied the piece of paper in front of him, where he had scribbled down some notes.

"No. I don't want to play." Ford said.

"Man, the family is in town. It's not like you got an audience. Help a brother out." Daniel pushed. "Grab that fiddle."

Ford shook his head and sighed. He crossed the room to where his fiddle case leaned against the piano and slowly lifted it out. He crossed back to Daniel, standing on the other side of the coffee table, his fiddle at his side.

"I'm not sure what I wanna do with this part, and I think maybe a layer of harmony would be really good." Daniel ran his finger along the line of notes he'd written down.

"I can't read that." Ford said, glaring at his older brother.

"Well, hell Ford, you've never been able to read my notes." Daniel said looking up. "How 'bout I just play and you hop in when it feels right?"

"Daniel . . ." Ford hesitated, and Daniel was surprised to hear the dark tone fall away from Ford's voice. He sounded young and unsure.

"Come on, since when have you needed music written down? Huh?" Daniel lifted his guitar and began to play.

It didn't take long for Ford to lift his fiddle and join in. It wasn't really a new piece. He was pleased Ford didn't recognize it. He'd been working on the song forever and had felt that something was missing. He had planned to bounce it off Crane - his go-to song man, but recognized that another brother needed to help him.

He remembered his own days of darkness - in the year following his parents' deaths. He'd been angry and unable to process any of it. Adam and Brian had tried hard to help him, but it wasn't enough. He found himself sitting across from a therapist who tried to help him wade through the deep waters that threatened to pull him under. It was in talking to Dr. Richards that he spoke about how much he missed music - the sound of his mother's guitar and her soft voice singing.

And then Adam and Brian, had given him her guitar. At first he couldn't even bring himself to touch it - the memory of her long fingers strumming it so vivid, but over time it became his closest friend. That guitar was the only thing that could truly comfort him. And slowly but surely, music was back in their lives again.

The house had always been filled with music, and it was the one thing that could strip away even the toughest McFadden's defenses. He strummed quietly watching Ford as he played. Ford was so lost in the music that all his anger and hurt seemed to fall away. Daniel smiled and raised an eyebrow, glancing across the room.

Ford was a true musician. All the brothers loved music, but Daniel, Ford and Crane were different than the others. Music was their first language and their truest expression of themselves. He was shocked to realize that Ford's playing had become stronger in the days that he'd been away. He remembered convincing Ford to squeeze in a strings class - explaining to him that not taking a music course or two would be to miss out on a tremendous opportunity. He was so distracted by the beauty of Ford's playing that he nearly messed up the song, which would have broken the golden spell that seemed to hold his younger brother in a trance. He smiled watching Ford's face relax as he played. He stood before Daniel, his eyes closed in concentration and poured his heart out through his fiddle. He played freely and with abandon - the way he could never play in front of strangers. Listening to Ford play at home was better than any concert anywhere, but no one knew except the brothers - even most of the wives had no idea how truly talented he was. Only Hannah had heard him play like this. Daniel continued to smile as the song drew to a close. He lifted his head and nodded at Tommy Noma who stood, just to Ford's right, listening completely amazed.

***7***

Tommy Noma sat on the McFadden porch eating a bowl of homemade ice cream, as relaxed as he had ever been. He had probably gained ten pounds in the last three days but he didn't care one bit. He was so content. He glanced over at Hannah who was rocking her tiny daughter on the porch swing.

"Where'd everybody go?" He glanced around.

"Scattered to evening chores." She said. "You were in some sort of sugar trance." She laughed.

"I'm not doing any chores. I'm the foreman tonight!" Adam said stepping onto the porch. He handed his wife a mug. "There you go darlin'." He sat down another mug in his own hand. "You want coffee, Tommy?"

"Oh, no thank you." He sat up, setting his empty bowl on the bench beside him. "I'm glad I got the two of you together. I was hoping that you could do me a favor."

"Listen," Adam said taking a sip of coffee. "I'll adopt you, but I know you are just using me to get to Hannah's cooking."

"I'll take you up on that!" Tommy said laughing. "No, I was wondering if Daniel and I could borrow Ford for a few days."

"Borrow Ford?" Hannah asked with wrinkled brows.

"Yeah, we wanna take him to Nashville for a little bit."

"What are you talking about?" Adam asked.

Tommy rose and stood before them leaning against the rail of the porch. "I heard him play the other day - his fiddle, and I want him to record some stuff for our next album. It will just take a couple of days and I'll pay him scale. I'm not trying to take advantage of him or anything."

"Of course not. It isn't that." Hannah said. "It's just that Ford is really shy. He won't play for anyone. It is all he can do to sing in front of people."

"The only time he's ever really played for folks is at the fair - and that was because the ranch was riding on us winning a competition." Adam added thoughtfully. "How on earth did you hear him play?"

"Well . . ." Tommy began sheepishly.

"You were standing to his right!" Hannah burst out surprised. She turned to Adam with a grin. "I bet Daniel put him up to it! He's been looking like a cat who swallowed a canary. I thought it was because he convinced Nova to go out with him again . . . I should have known!"

"What did Ford say when he realized you'd been listening."

"Oh, he cursed me and Daniel out pretty good - and I should mention that he doesn't want to go to Nashville at all." Tommy rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "It's your family, Adam, but it seems to me that Ford needs a change of pace, you know, something to push him out of his sadness."

"Can't argue with that." Adam agreed. "And I can't tell you how much we appreciate you trying. But Ford is stubborn - really, really stubborn. I don't think we can make him go." He glanced at Hannah. "What do you think?"

"Oh, I don't know. I'm worried, I guess. Ford's always been so happy and easygoing. I can't take much more of him angry and cursing at everyone, but Adam's right, Tommy. It is really hard to get any of these boys to do something they don't want to. They can dig their heels in pretty good."

"I've noticed that." Tommy said with a sigh. "But I've also noticed something else."

"What's that?" Adam asked.

"There's one person who's pretty good at pushing these boys into doing things they don't want to." Tommy explained.

"Who?" Hannah asked with wide curious eyes.

Adam was already laughing as Tommy grinned and responded with a gentle, "You, Hannah."

"Oh no! I already tried talking to him. He isn't having any of it." She argued.

"Honey, he's right. The boys do listen to you - better than me because they don't care about hurting _my_ feelings! Even when they are mad at you they feel guilty for not listening! I bet you could talk him into it." He nudged her shoulder.

"I don't know . . . and we aren't even sure it is what he needs. I mean, what if we are pushing him too hard?"

"We might be." Adam responded thoughtfully. He took another sip of coffee and then draped his long arm around Hannah's shoulders. "Come on, now, Hannah, you've been a parent for years - what do we always say?"

"You do the best you can and apologize for the rest." She said without hesitation. She glanced over at Tommy. "I'll try, but I can't promise anything."

"Thanks." Tommy said. "And I promise you this - if he does go with us - I'll do everything in my power to watch over him just as carefully as you two would."

"Oh, I've no worries over that." Hannah said waving a hand at him. "You've proved to be a good friend to Daniel, and to us."

"Alright then." Tommy said sitting back in his chair. "I'm glad that is over. I was pretty nervous, I'll confess it to you now."

Adam laughed, but Hannah paused thoughtfully, "Well, your nerves might just be coming back, Tommy."

He glanced over at her with a sigh. "I know, but I was just enjoying the moment."

"What?" Adam asked.

"He's still got to get Brian's permission." Hannah explained. She turned back to Tommy. "Ask him when he's holding Jack. He can't get too angry when he's holding his son." She grinned mischievously.

"I don't mean to complain," Tommy told her. "But having three parents is a real pain in the neck."

"Try explaining it at parent-teacher conferences." Adam said with a grin.


End file.
